Page 102 of Okay, Cupid

He’s different. At least in this moment, he’s different.

“What is it?” I ask him.

“Nothing.” I can see him chew on his bottom lip. “It’s nothing.”

There’s a glow behind his eyes when he blinks and turns away, walking toward the water.

I follow him. “No, don’t say that. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.” He stops walking, and faces me again. “And that’s the problem.”

“What does that mean?”

He looks down at the sand, like he can’t meet my eyes right now. The moment is long, the space between us growing distant.

“Do you remember what you said to me?” he asks, finally breaking the silence. “The night that we watched the movie on the phone?”

“Ummm …” I rack my brain for a bit. It seems like so much of my life has been dedicated to conversations with Huy, it’s hard to remember exactly what I’ve said. But I remember most of that night. “About risk, about taking chances?”

“Yeah.” He sighs, and a cloudy breath escapes his lips. “I’m going to take a risk here.”

“With what?”

“Telling you the truth.”

“Huy.”

“It doesn’t matter what your reaction is. If you hate me, you can tell me to fuck off. I just need to get this out and if I don’t do it now, I don’t think that I’ll ever find the courage again.”

“Huy—”

“I like you, Jude. More than like you.”

This can’t be happening. This can’t. It’s like the sand begins to swallow me whole, wrapping around my feet like cement blocks that will drag me farther and farther into the earth. It’d be preferable to die, slowly suffocating in the ground where I once stood.

None of that happens, though. I’m not stuck here; I can move if I want to.

I just don’t want to.

Huy goes on. “I was confused at first. Because I saw you with Cal, and I didn’t want to interfere or mess with a relationship. And I was happy for you both. But then you told me that you weren’t dating, that you’re just friends, and I … well, it didn’t help my feelings. I might not be able to make decisions about my own future, but I can make a decision about you, to tell you how I feel. Because I don’t know if I can sit with the feelings anymore. I need you to know.” He lets out this sad, forced laugh. “And I really need you to say something so I don’t keep making an asshole out of myself.”

The wind cuts like a knife, chilling my skin. This is what I wanted, right? To hear how he felt, for him to admit his feelings for me and not for Alice. As if my life couldn’t possibly get any worse.

I got exactly what I wanted and I’ve never felt lower.

“Don’t say that, Huy,” I tell him. “You don’t mean any of that.” I wish I could conjure up something bolder, something above a whimper, but I can’t.

Huy freezes, his gaze shifting toward me. “I do, Jude. I mean every single word.”

“No.” I shake my head. “You don’t. You’re not in love with me.”

“You can’t tell me how I feel. Only I can do that.”

“Well, you’re mistaken. You’re confused.”

“I’m not confused.” He steps closer, and I can’t stop myself from recoiling, from nearly falling over myself into the sand as I try to get away from him. I can see the fear on his face, the realization that he’s made a mistake. “Jude, please. Let’s just talk about this?”

“I can’t,” I tell him. “I can’t talk to you about this.”