Page 89 of I Wish You All the Best

“The water creeps me out,” I say, peering over the wood railing, staring at the way the water moves as the fish swim.

“You’re scared of a pond?”

I shrug. “Just never been a fan of water. One time my parents took me to the beach, and I cut myself on a shell. That wasn’t fun.” I still have the pale white scar along the bottom of my foot. That was also my first time in an emergency room. Apparently, it had cut so deep that it wouldn’t clot, and Mom got scared.

“Yikes.”

“Another time I was going swimming, and a bunch of fish kept going by me and it creeped me out. So, I started crying.” Dad told me to “man up,” but I just spent the rest of the day under the umbrella, the sand sticking to my legs like some tight second skin.

Nathan starts laughing uncontrollably, trying to hide his face in his hands. “You’ve been traumatized by the ocean, oh my God.”

“I was five, leave me alone.” I shove him. “Besides, you’ve seen half the things those marine biologists find down there. The ocean’s creepy as hell.”

Nathan does this thing between a scoff and a laugh. “Can’t argue with you.”

I lean against the railing alongside him. “I hate the beach too.”

“Why?”

“I hate sand. It’s coarse, and it gets everywhere.” I wonder if he’ll catch on.

Nathan groans so loud the people jogging at the other end of the park turn to look at us. “Please tell me you didn’t just quote the worst movie of the saga.”

“Thought you might like that.”

“I hate you,” he says with a smile.

We both laugh until we can’t anymore, until the night air is filled with nothing but the sounds of the water. It’s hard to know that just beyond those walls we walked past is an entire city of people. This place is too quiet for that.

“Tonight was fun,” I say.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Thanks for inviting me. I know … I know I haven’t been the easiest person to get along with.”

“It’s okay.” He waits a beat. “Easy people are boring.”

Maybe now is my moment. The moment I tell him the truth, or the moment that I reach over and kiss him. Something. I feel like I owe him that much at least. I weigh it all in my head, but the answer is obvious.

“Hey, Ben.”

“Yeah?” I look up at him. And that makes the decision for me. I can’t tell him; I can’t ruin this. And I don’t even want to think about how he’ll think of me after. I don’t want a world where Nathan Allan hates me, even if the chances of that happening are so very, very slim. I just can’t.

“Tonight was the first time you’ve talked about your parents.” He waits. “Like really talked about them.”

“Huh.” I guess he’s right. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s cool, I just noticed.” He takes in a breath and lets it out slowly. “I can’t imagine what that feels like, to just be left behind like that. Especially by people who are supposed to love you.”

“I think they did love me,” I say. “And maybe they still do. I know a part of me still does. I just … I really thought it’d be okay.”

“This is the secret, isn’t it? The big one?”

I nod. Because I owe him that.

“Do you really think you’d ever speak to them again? After they did that.”

“Now who’s asking the heavy questions?”