Page 79 of I Wish You All the Best

“Not exactly, but I got outside and he followed me. I guess just having him there helped?”

“So joint effort?” She smiles. “That’s something.”

“I guess.”

“Are you comfortable around Nathan?”

“Yeah, most of the time, at least.”

“Most of the time?”

“Sometimes I get really nervous around him.”

“Any particular reason why?”

“None that I can think of.” Except maybe it’s because I like him? And maybe I like the thought of holding his hand, of being close to him. And maybe I want to go further than that. And maybe I’m terrified of what will happen if we do.

“I’m happy to hear you’ve got someone you can trust,” she says, then her eyes move down to my hands. I doubt it’s the first time she’s noticed my nails, but she hasn’t said anything before now. “That’s a beautiful color.” She nods. “Did you do those yourself?”

“Oh.” I stare down at them, resisting the urge to hide them. I fought with myself a bit before deciding to go out in public with the paint still on. Not that a visit to Dr. Taylor’s office is really “public,” but it’s outside the house. “Hannah did them for me.”

“How are you two?” Dr. Taylor asks.

“Fine, I guess.” I rub my hands together, trying to feel less self-conscious about the paint.

“You’re doing okay? Better? Arguing?” She goes on after I don’t answer.

“We’re okay.” I stress the “okay.” “Why do you ask?”

“I was curious,” she states.

“About?”

“I was mostly curious if you resented Hannah at all?”

I hate that my answer comes out so easily. “A little, I think.”

“Do you think she knows that?”

“Well, it’s not like I’m eager to tell my own sister how bitter I am.” I rub my eyes, the stinging feeling coming back slowly. “I just … She got so much, you know?”

Dr. Taylor nods.

“She got to get out, go to school, get a job she loves, find someone who loves her.”

“And you were left with your parents?”

“Yeah.” I slouch back on the couch, not meeting Dr. Taylor’s eyes. “It just … It felt like when she left, she just forgot about me. You know?”

“I do.”

“I get that she couldn’t call, and that it was impossible for her to come back home.”

“Well, that doesn’t make your feelings any less valid, Ben. You were hurt by what she did, you can’t control that. And in that situation, neither could she.” Dr. Taylor leaves her notepad on the coffee table and leans forward. “Have you talked to her about this?”

“No.” I shake my head. “How could I even do that? After all she’s done for me?”

“Does it feel like she’s trying to make it up to you?”