Page 113 of I Wish You All the Best

Nathan’s fingers brush my neck. “It’s not your fault, Ben. None of it is.”

My eyes finally close, and I let myself cry.

I don’t get out of bed much over the next few days. I just lie there under the sheets, my fingers tracing the faded crescent shapes on my wrist Mom left behind. They still sting if I press hard enough.

My phone keeps vibrating from its spot on the nightstand, the lock screen filled with unanswered messages. I stare at the way the screen lights up, Nathan’s name flashing again and again. I pick up the phone and stare at the texts. Every single one he’s sent over since Saturday morning.

I stayed in his bed, stayed with him, as long as I could. And if I had my choice, I wouldn’t have left. But I knew if I didn’t go home, Hannah would probably have filed a missing person’s report or something. When I came back, she and Thomas were home. They both tried to talk to me, but the second I saw Hannah, I got angry all over again.

I went up to my room, slamming the door behind me. And I hardly saw them for the rest of the weekend. They made sure I ate, and that was it, I didn’t leave a lot of room for them to stick around and talk to me.

At least they didn’t make me go to school today.

Nathan: Good afternoon!

Nathan: Just want to see how you’re doing!

Nathan: Missed you today, I got your homework from the office.

Nathan: Mel and Sophie wanted me to check in, see if you’re okay.

Nathan: Did you know it’s male peacocks who have all the colorful plumage? the females are sort of bland looking.

I can’t help but laugh at the last one because it screams Nathan. I really don’t deserve someone like him.

No one does.

Nathan: I can keep sending random facts if you want!

Nathan: Or videos of puppies!!!

He’s sent five, and I watch all of them. I want to reply, to let him know that I’m at least safe. But something in me is just keeping me from typing the simplest of messages.

I am okay.

For some reason, it’s easier to text Mariam. The words come easier with them.

Me: hey

Mariam: Hey Benji, what’s up???

Me: Something happened…

Mariam: uh-oh

Me: I met with my parents.

The little bubble beside Mariam’s name appears and reappears over and over again for almost a full minute.

Me: you okay?

Mariam: me? Okay? Ben are YOU okay????

Mariam: sorry, I just…

Mariam: Couldn’t even think of what to say to that

Mariam: Ben… what happened?