Page 44 of Golden Goal

“Ah-ha.” He points at me.

“W-what?” I ask, glancing around.

“You do know something.”

I shake my head. “No. No, I don’t. I’m as in the dark as you are. I haven’t seen him around recently.”

“Then why did you blush just now?” He cocks his head, studying me. “Something did happen, didn’t it?”

I roll my eyes, hoping I’m not still blushing. “Nothing happened. I brought over dinner a few weeks ago. I was being neighborly . . .”

He scoffs. “Yeah, sure. Neighborly.” He sighs, standing up. “For what it’s worth, Doc, I think you two would be good together. In fact, I know you would.”

“Not sure how you know that, but Holt and I are . . . coworkers and neighbors. That’s it.”

“Sure, keep telling yourself that.” He raps his knuckles on my desk twice before walking out of my office, leaving me to make sense of his words.

Maybe if the circumstances were different, we could date.

If we weren’t coworkers, it wouldn’t be so bad. We could keep it casual. I’ve dated guys before and nothing bad happened to them. I’m not against dating. But what I am against is falling in love, and a part of me fears that might happen if I get too close to Holt. I refuse to be the reason why something bad happens to him, or his daughter. So I won’t date him. I can’t. That’s the only way I can make sure I don’t fall in love with him.

I get to my feet and grab my purse, heading out of my office to run errands. I try to push aside all thoughts of the grumpy goalie, but Wes’s words that we’d be good together, echo in my head the entire evening.

Holt and I would be good together.

If only things were different.

Chapter eighteen

Holt

“What can I do for you?” Coach Weaver asks when I take a seat in his office.

“Dr. Jansen cleared me to play last week.” He nods. “I was hoping I could talk to you about coming on this trip.”

I’d thought about asking Coach right away to put me back in, but I knew he’d want me in peak shape, which I wasn’t. This past week I’ve been putting a lot of energy into training, on and off the ice, and I’m hopeful this meeting goes well. I’d love to be on the plane with the team tomorrow when they leave for a three-day trip to Texas . I’ve also been focusing so much energy on practice and working out so I don’t have to think about what else went on during my last session with Becca. How I really wanted to kiss her again. How it took everything in me to walk away when she told me that us kissing was a mistake.

Coach tilts his head, studying me. “I know you’re physically ready to play again. But what about mentally? You went through a lot recently, between the injury and finding out you have a daughter.”

“I know. But I’m ready. My sister is staying for the rest of the season until I figure out a more permanent solution. We’ve gotten into a routine.” I’m still so grateful to Hadley for coming to stay. I’m trying not to think past this season because I don’t know what I’m going to do as far as childcare. I can’t exactly ask Hadley to put her life on hold and help raise my daughter.

“Have you talked to anyone?”

I furrow my eyebrows. “No.”

Coach studies me for a few seconds. “After I got the letter from Madison’s mom and found out I had a daughter, I thought I was okay. At least after the initial shock wore off. It wasn’t until a couple of weeks later that I realized I wasn’t.” He pauses, inhaling sharply. “Finding out you have a child you weren’t expecting is a lot to process. Even if, as in my case, the child is an adult when you find out. I thought I was coping okay. Now, I can see that I clearly wasn’t. I was barely sleeping. I swear I don’t know how you guys didn’t notice.”

He gives me a small smile. “Guess I got really good at hiding it. Coaching gave me something to focus on. But when I wasn’t coaching, all I was doing was thinking about Madison. All the what ifs. All the questions I had. How badly I wished I could talk to her mom about why she did what she did, but I couldn’t. Her letter told me some of it, and so did her sister, but there was so much I didn’t have answers to. I blamed myself for her hiding Madison from me.”

I stare at him, wondering why he’s telling me all this.

“I was talking to Dr. Walt one day when he asked me how I was doing. How I was really doing. At that point, only a few people knew I had a daughter. Dr. Walt and I have known each other for a very long time, and he saw through my BS answer. It was because of that conversation with him that I talked to a professional who helped me process everything. Come out the other side.”

I take a deep breath trying to process what he said and how to answer him.

“I’m fine, Coach. It was a shock at first, for sure, but I’m fine now.”

What choice do I have but to be fine? I have a daughter to think about now. She’s counting on me.