Page 43 of Golden Goal

I open my mouth to ask him if he’s sure, but Dr. Walt speaks first. “If you think you’re ready, from a medical perspective, I don’t object. Do you, Dr. Jansen?”

They both look at me, and as much as I want to protest that maybe Holt should take more time off to get used to being a dad, that’s not the question Dr. Walt asked.

“No. I don’t,” I finally answer.

“Great. I’ll see you both around,” Dr. Walt says, turning and walking out of the room.

“Thank you,” Holt says quietly when we’re alone.

“Just doing my job.” I give him a small smile before going around him to wipe down the treatment table.

“Becca,” Holt murmurs, and I stiffen when I feel his heat at my back. I inhale trying to calm my racing heart, which is a bad idea because now all I smell is him. “About last night. . .”

“Holt, we can’t. Let’s chalk last night up to us getting caught in the moment. It was dark. It was late. We were sitting close to each other. It shouldn’t have happened.”

“Please look at me.”

“I have another appointment soon.” I step around him and head for the door, except he’s faster than I am and gets to it first. He turns to face me, his arms crossed.

“Becca, please.”

“What, Holt?”

“Can we at least talk about the kiss?”

“It was a mistake. You were still my patient. I shouldn’t have.” He opens his mouth to speak, but I beat him to it. “I know you’re not my patient anymore, but that doesn’t change anything.” The last part comes out in a whisper.

His face crumbles, and his shoulders drop for a second before he inhales and seems to pull himself together. “I understand. Bye, Dr. Jansen.” He turns and walks out the door without a backward glance.

I tip my head back, staring at the ceiling, wishing things were different for me. That I didn’t have such bad luck when it came to people I care about, people I love. It’s safer for everyone if Holt and I are just friends. Even if it does make me feel awful, and like a jerk.

Pulling myself together, I walk out of the treatment room and back to my office.

There’s a soft knock on my door frame as I’m getting ready to head home on Friday afternoon, the week after I cleared Holt to play again.

“Come in.” I look up, hoping it’s Holt, but it’s not.

I haven’t seen him since our last session. Not around the arena, and not in our apartment building either. I’ve seen Hadley a few times, and she told me he’s been working extra hard with the goalie coach to get ready to go back to playing soon. As much as I acted like it was for the best that we remain just coworkers, I hate it. I hate the way we left things. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him, or the kiss we shared, all week. But that’s all I let myself do—think about our one kiss, and maybe daydream about what it could have been like between us. Since that’s all it’ll ever be—a dream.

“Question for you, Doc.” Wes walks into my office, his hands in his pockets.

“Not sure I have the answer, but I can try.” I point at the chair on the other side of my desk, and he takes a seat.

“Any idea why the big guy is grumpy again?”

“Big guy?”

He chuckles, running a hand through his hair. “Holt. He seemed . . .” He pauses, chewing on his bottom lip. “Less grumpy for a little while, but now he’s back to his moody ways. I thought we’d moved past it now that everything is out in the open. But I guess not.”

“I have no idea. Have you tried asking him?”

He lets out a bark of laughter, shifting in his seat. “I have. But he won’t say anything. I even asked Hadley, but she didn’t know either.” He frowns. “It started around the time he finished seeing you.” I narrow my eyes, wondering what he’s getting at. “You know, for treatments and all.”

“Sorry I can’t help you. I’m sure he’ll tell you when he’s ready.”

He leans forward, planting his hands on my desk, and glances around before whispering, “Did something happen between you two?”

I stare at him, unsure of how to answer his question. Unsure of what he knows. I don’t know how much these guys share with each other. Does Wes know Holt and I kissed? Shit, do the other guys? This is why I don’t date coworkers, especially coworkers who are more like family, and are all up in each other’s business.