Page 55 of Mia

“I’m tired of falling the fuck apart.”

“Good. That’s a start. Now, what do you mean by things have never been great between you and your wife?”

“You know this life, right?”

“Thoroughly.”

“So you know the training for it. My wife and I were in competition with each other for a long time. I guess I should say that I was in competition with her. Once upon a time, I felt like she got favoritism because her grandfather is the head of the organization. A lot of us felt like that, and it wasn’t true. She worked ten times as hard as we did because of who she was. She was unfairly bullied, and I was a part of that.

“At some point, things became intimate with us, and it’s just been a shit show since then. I love her. She loves me. We just… shit, I guess we don’t know how to love each other without the past coming into play. We do shit to get under each other’s skin. We argue more than we listen. We love to point fingers at each other. The shit is toxic, and it’s draining.”

Dr. Baxter nodded. “So why do you want to be with her? It seems like this would take a toll on both of y’all’s mental. What is the reason you stay?”

I shrugged. “Because I love her. Because I don’t want to be with anybody else. It’s not that I can’t find another woman. I don’t want another woman. I want her. I want to fix the shit that’s broken between us and love her the right way. Shit, I wanna be loved the right way too. I look at my pops with my mama, she’s just like my wife, hard as hell, but she’s always been soft with him. My best friend is married to her sister and that nigga worships the ground she walks on. I hang out with her brothers.

“Seeing a nigga that’s just as hard as me be soft just for his woman and kids makes me want that kind of healthy relationship, man. I need her to be soft for me too. I realize I haven’t given her a reason to be comfortable in being soft without fear.”

Dr. Baxter smiled. “You seem very self-aware, Titan. That’s good.” She turned to Steel. “What do you think about this, Kerrion? He’s married to your sister, so I’m sure you have something to say.”

Steel sighed. “I mean, I already told him I felt like this shit was doomed. Their dumb asses went off and got married in secret, knowing they weren’t ready for that shit. Both of them are hard-headed, impulsive and you can’t tell them shit ‘cause they think they know everything.” He looked over at me and grabbed my shoulder. “Still… that’s my sister. I love her and I’d die for her. At this point, this nigga is like a brother to me too. I ride for him too. I just want them to get it together if they insist on staying married. They deserve the best parts of each other and from talking to him, I know he wants that.”

“Sounds like you have support,” Dr. Baxter said to me.

I looked down at the floor, rubbing my hands together. “I do. I need that. A nigga ain’t ever really needed shit from anybody before.”

“Well, we all need something from someone, Titan,” Dr. Baxter said. “It’s okay to be independent and handle your own problems. But it’s also okay to ask for and accept help when you need it. More than that, it’s important to recognize when you need help. I can tell you’re ready to do the work to mend things with your wife.”

“I am. I just hope she’s ready too.”

PRESENT DAY

After leaving the therapy session, Mia and I climbed into my car, where we drove aimlessly in silence. We didn’t have a destination, but I knew neither of us were ready to go back to the compound. So we drove around the city with the windows down for a while. It wasn’t awkward, more like comfortable. She held my hand the entire ride while she looked out the window. After a good two hours, we were back at the compound. I pulled into her yard and shut off the car. For a moment, we just sat there before I opened the door and got out to retrieve her.

Hand in hand, we headed into the house. Kicking off our shoes, I lead us into the living room. I took a seat on the couch and gently pulled her into my lap. She curled up and rested her head on my shoulder. I placed soft kisses to her temple as I held her.

Therapy took a lot out of both of us, and all I really wanted to do was try to sleep.

“You think we’ll get through this therapy shit?” Mia asked, looking up at me.

“I think if we want it bad enough, we will try our best and not make excuses.”

“Do you want it bad enough?”

“What I want is to love you, Mia. Without all the extra shit. I know shit won’t be all sunshine and roses, but I want you. . . I need you. I’m not saying I want anybody else’s relationship, but I want the health that your siblings and my parents have in theirs. More than anything, they respect each other. I don’t have it in me to keep doing this the way we’re doing it.

“Marriage is a partnership. We’re supposed to lift each other up and shit, not tear each other down. We’ve said and done some foul shit to each other over the years. I don’t wanna do that anymore. Whatever I have to do to keep you, I’ll do it. The right way.”

She stared at me for a moment before pressing her lips to mine.

“I love you,” she whispered.

“I love you too, mamas.”

There was a knock on the front door, breaking the moment we shared. I gave the okay to come in, and the door opened. Jaeda and Quaid walked in, looking around like they expected World War III to have happened here. They knew about the therapy session, so I guess they wanted to make sure everything was okay.

“Y’all cool?” Quaid asked.

“We good, man,” I confirmed.