Page 70 of Wilde Hearts

Vivianne, who was sitting across from me, stretched out her hand, and I took it. She gently squeezed it as she spoke. “If no one is going into the room, then I can’t see how it would be a comfort to either of them. But then again, maybe just knowing all of his things are still there is a comfort. Or the simple fact of the matter is that they can’t bring themselves to pack it up. Everyone grieves so differently, Colt. I honestly don’t know how I’d feel if it were one of my children.”

She closed her eyes briefly, then opened them again.

“It has to be one of the worst kinds of pains. But I do think that you need to talk to them about it. If nothing else, it will open up dialogue about Grady. You shouldn’t feel as if you can’t talk about him.”

I closed my eyes and cursed. Another thing to add to the pile of shit I’d caused by leaving. “This is my fault. If I’d just stayed, or come back home sooner, I could have taken care of the room for them.”

“You have to stop blaming yourself for everything that’s happened since your brother’s death, Colt,” Ladd said. “Sometimes in life, we do things we think are right at the time. It’s no good to anyone, especially you, to keep beating yourself up over something you couldn’t have controlled and decisions you can’t go back and change. You also need to remember you were twenty-one years old when you lost your brother. You were young, hurting and confused. You have to give yourself some grace.” He glanced at Ensley. “We all need to offer grace in times like that.”

I felt a prickling sensation behind my eyes, and closed them. How was it that Grady had been gone for ten years, yet it suddenly felt as if it had happened only yesterday? All those years of me running and hiding, and for what? To leave behind everyone I ever loved and waste years without Ensley.

I suddenly felt exhausted. Maybe this was the reason I’d stayed away as long as I had. There were no answers, or at least none that I could think of, to help me figure all this shit out.

“Colt?”

Ensley’s voice caused me to open my eyes and meet her gaze. She was sitting next to her mother, with her father on her left, at the head of the table.

When my eyes met hers, she quickly stood. I wasn’t sure why until she walked around the table and stood next to me.

“What’s wrong?” I asked. My voice sounded utterly defeated.

Reaching out, she gently swept her thumb across my cheek. It was only then that I realized I’d been crying.

Stepping closer, leaning her forehead against mine, she softly whispered, “I love you.”

And suddenly, it was as if the darkness that had been hovering over me for the last ten years lifted, and I could feel the sun on my face again.

Ensley

The second I saw the tears on Colt’s face, my heart broke in a way I’d never experienced before in my life.

He looked drained, and he sounded like he was ready to simply give up. Ten years of running away were catching up to him now that he was home. And I wasn’t making it any easier on him.

It was as if my heart had firmly taken control when I stood and walked around the table. He needed me, and that was all I cared about.

After wiping his tears away and telling him I loved him, I sat down in the chair next to him, both of us just staring at one another.

“It’s a beautiful evening. Why don’t the two of you go sit on the front porch? You light the heaters, Colt. We’ll clean up and join you both in a few with some hot chocolate.”

I looked at my mother and smiled. “Are you sure?”

She stood, as did my father. “I’m positive. We’ve got this.”

Taking Colt’s hand in mine, I urged him to get up. He did, and started to grab his plate when my father said, “Leave it, Colt.”

I laced my fingers with his and tried to ignore the way his touch heated my entire body. No man had ever made me feel the way Colt Owens did. I doubted anyone else ever would, and I vowed I’d no longer try to find out.

We walked through the house to the front door. I grabbed a blanket and tucked it under my arm before heading out onto the porch and over to the swing, while Colt lit the heater. The number of times Colt and I had sat on this swing was more than I could count. Then, once I’d moved into my little cabin—where I still lived now—we’d sit on my own front porch and watch the sunset. It was my favorite time of day.

Once we sat, Colt stared at the pink and orange clouds that hung low over the western horizon. He’d absentmindedly started to push the swing with his legs as I tucked mine under me, before draping the blanket over us. I could already feel the warmth from the heater moving around us.

“I knew about six days after I left that I’d fucked up in a major way. That it was a mistake that could cost me everything…and I was right.”

I turned and looked at him as he kept his gaze on the sky.

“I picked up my phone to call you so many times, and I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I’d absolutely convinced myself I was the reason Grady took his life. Whether it had to do with you or with my father’s constant comparisons between us, I knew it was because of me. I truly don’t think my father meant any harm; he simply couldn’t comprehend why Grady wouldn’t want a life here in River Falls. The life my dad had always wanted. The same one I wanted. I should have spoken up more for him.” He glanced at me. “I did try to talk to my father about Grady.”

I took his hand in mine. “I know you did, Colt.”