Page 175 of The Mistress of All & Torn

They kissed and swam, caressed and touched, discovering each other and yearning for more.

After a while, he carried her to the shore in his arms, encircled around him, without even breaking the kiss. He did not put her down until they reached the blanket, on the soft grass at the top of the beach. His hands did not need to hold her any longer, so they freely resumed their exploration. She moved in his lap and gasped as she felt his arousal pressing against her. Heat built and grew within them, begging for relief.

“Elizabeth, what are we doing?” he moaned between kisses.

“What I asked you for. What I shall never do with any other man,” she whispered, barely coherent.

“Please let me know when you wish me to stop…”

“Do not stop. Not tonight,” she murmured.

“Not tonight. You are mine till dawn.”

He lowered her onto her back, so he was atop her. A soft breeze tantalised her, while the grass brushed her skin, and she begged for his touches. He kissed her lips again, while he pulled off her chemise and threw it to the side. With no obstacle to his desire, yearning for her, with an urge he could barely contain, his hungry mouth and impatient caresses discovered her and conquered her.

Eventually, dizzy in wonder, defeated by sensations she had never dreamt of, she heard him calling her and opened her eyes.

“Elizabeth, what are we doing?”

She stared into his eyes for a while, then moved and unexpectedly climbed on top of him. She unbuttoned his shirt, allowing their naked bodies to brush against each other. She touched his face, and her loose long hair caressed them both.

“I have lost my heart and my mind to you,” she confessed. “Tomorrow I shall be ashamed and will despise myself, but now, I am happier than I have ever dreamt. Such pleasure I never imagined, nor such bliss. I want this night never to end, but I know it will, very soon. Until then, I wish to be yours. Entirely.

He stroked her passionately, kissing her neck, face, and shoulders.

“Elizabeth, my dearest, loveliest, Elizabeth. Do not ask me to leave without you, now that I have tasted the happiness of being with you. I could stay. Nobody would need to know. I could come only when you send for me. I would settle for anything you wish to give me.”

She cupped his face again, tears rolling down her cheeks, down his cheeks and onto his lips so he might taste her despair.

“My love…” she whispered, “such an arrangement would make us both hate ourselves and each other. Neither of us could live a life of deception and lies.”

Lying on his back, he looked at her and at the sky, thinking that her tearful eyes were brighter than the stars.

“What should we do, Elizabeth?”

“Share this night. Then, when the morning comes, you will leave as you intended, and I shall rip my heart in two and give you the largest piece. But my body will be yours tonight. I cannot give you more than this.”

He could not argue with her any longer, nor could he tell her that he would wait for her again. Such a horrifying statement would only pain her more deeply. Therefore, he smiled. This time, it was a smile of acceptance, understanding, comfort, and profound love. He wiped her tears with his thumbs and gently touched her lips again. Then he rolled atop her.

“We still have this night. This is more than I imagined only hours ago.”

“Much more than I could have imagined,” she repeated.

He lowered himself onto her until his weight took her breath away.

“There is nothing I want more than to take you as mine. Utterly and completely.”

“Everything you wish is my desire too.”

He shook his head in refusal. “I shall not do that. I cannot expose you to more distress that might follow this night.”

“But I want you. With all my heart.”

“I know, my love. And your confession is both bliss and torture to me. But I must think of you more than I am thinking of myself. I must guard your virtue, not only tonight but for the future too. You made a sacrifice to help and comfort others. What if you would become with our child? How would you bear the censure? How would you face your husband with the proof of you loving another man?”

His words struck her, shamed her, pained her. She had thought of nothing except her desires, and he was concerned for her welfare and that of others. He was protecting her and her family, although it was not his duty.

“You are right… We should go now,” she said, averting her eyes and attempting to rise. She was suddenly aware of her outrageous, wanton behaviour.