Page 32 of Honorable Sins

Gavin scowls at Shelley. "Our da is smart. Even daideó says Eoghan has to stop drawing once he gets inducted."

"Being smart doesn't mean you know everything," Shelley claps back. "Not even daideó knows everything. I bet he doesn't know that the don paints."

"So, tell him." Una grabs Eoghan's sketch book and starts flipping through it. "I like your drawings."

"Maybe your da could tell him," Eoghan suggests, looking at me.

"I'll ask him to," I promise.

"If you ask him, he'll do it," Una states with conviction.

My other cousins nod.

"He wouldn't if it would cause a problem for Uncle Miceli." His painting used to be a big secret, but now it's not.

Once it got out in New York that he paints, he did one of a man on his knees with his throat cut and another man standing above him with a bloody knife. The men in the painting are in silhouette, so you can't tell for sure who they are, but the way the man with the knife stands, you know he's Uncle Miceli.

He has it hanging in his office behind his desk, so everyone who meets with him sees it.

"But it won't, will it?" Shelley asks.

I shake my head but look at Eoghan with a question. "Won't your da listen if you tell him?"

"Da doesn't listen to me like Uncle Mick listens to you." Eoghan frowns and mutters, "Sometimes I wish my da was more like your da."

I don't understand that, because I never wish the same thing. My da is the best man I know. He is the best da. He is the strongest mobster. I never want my da to be different or like someone else's.

There's a soft knock on my door before it opens and mom peeks around it. "Do you have a minute?"

That's one of those weird questions grownups ask when the answer is obvious. What she really wants to know is do I want to talk and I do. Even if I'm nervous about what she's going to say to me.

I never want to let my mom down.

Mom comes in and sits next to me on the bed and I move to sit up against the back headboard.

She takes my hand in hers like she does sometimes and looks at me with that mom-love that makes everything okay no matter what. "Your da told me you're worried you could do something that would disappoint me or make me ashamed of you."

I jerk my head in a nod. I'm not like her. Mom can be hard when it comes to protecting our family, but she's a lot softer than me and da.

"Fitz, I am so proud of you for how you handled today." Mom squeezes my hand.

"Even though I gave Kenny Jr. and the others a beat down to punish them?"

Mom nods, her expression not changing. "Some mothers would tell their sons violence is never the answer. But you're being raised in the mob and you know that in our life, sometimes violence is the answer. It's not always, but I trust you to know when that's the case."

"I had to give them a message."

"After what those boys tried to do to Sadie, she needed to see that the men in this mob protect women from that kind of harm. You needed to prove to those boys that they were weak, not strong like you."

Pride fills my chest and makes my heart beat harder at mom's words, because I know she means them. "Strong men don't prove it by ganging up on someone weaker."

"You're right, son. That's real weakness and it's a weakness that can't exist in the mob. It puts us all at risk."

Sometimes mom calls me son instead of the Irish endearments and it always means something special. It's like she's laying claim to me, reminding me that she's as much a part of me as da is.

But I don't think mom would have broken Kenny Jr.'s arm.

"I didn't want to disappoint you, but I had to set them straight. Not just about Sadie, but about da." I'm not going to tell mom what I threatened Kenny Jr. with though.