Page 31 of Honorable Sins

"No, but da thinks my drawing is stupid." Eoghan looks away. "It won't help me be a good mob boss one day."

I think about that for a minute like my da taught me to.

Think before you speak. Read what people aren't saying in the way they hold their body, the tone of their voice, the expression on their face. My da is kind of like a superhero because he sees more than anyone else. Even my mom.

She loves people with her whole heart, and she has a lot of compassion. My da says so. But she doesn't watch people like my da does for every single tell. He puts it all together with the words they say. And a lot of times my da sees things people are trying to hide.

So, I think about what my cousin says. I think about the sketchpad that's always someplace close by when he's around and how the sides of his hands are always black with charcoal from drawing when his da isn't around. I've seen some of Eoghan's drawings and they're good.

He drew a picture of my mom once and da asked if he could buy it.

Uncle Adam said, "Don't be stupid. If you want one of Eoghan's little pictures, he'll give it to you."

Da paid Eoghan two-hundred pounds and shut his older brother up with a look.

That drawing is framed and hanging on the wall of da's office.

Enoch is a really good artist too, but no one calls his paintings little pictures. Grandda tells him he's clever and talented. But I don't think Uncle Adam ever says stuff like that to Eoghan.

I look at my cousin and I say what my da has told me many times. "No one else gets to tell you who and what you are."

"The mob does," Eoghan disagrees. "Being my da's oldest son defines who and what I am."

"Don't you want to be boss someday?" Shelley asks, sounding worried.

"I do." Eoghan's tone and the expression in his eyes match. He means it. "I just wish that didn't mean I have to give up my drawing."

"Why does it?" I ask.

Gavin looks at me like I'm the stupid one. "It makes him look weak."

"Do you think the Don of the Genovese is weak?" I ask.

Uncle Miceli is almost as ruthless as my da and one of our strongest allies. He's not really my uncle. He's married to my mom's cousin, but they're more like sisters, like she is with Aunt Fi. I call Róise aunt and Miceli uncle now, because he told me to.

Da said it was okay, like me calling Brice, Connor and Rory uncles. Family isn't always who you are born to, but who you choose to allow in your inner circle.

My da definitely trusts my honorary uncles more than he does his own brothers by blood.

"He's scary AF," Gavin says, trying to sound cool.

But he's right. "Yeah. Almost as scary as my da," I agree. "He paints like Enoch."

Enoch is Hope's son. Hope is married to my grandda, so technically, Enoch would be my step-uncle, or something. But I call him my cousin. Family is complicated.

Da says that sometimes too.

Eoghan looks shocked. "He does?"

"Sure. Aunt Róise says he'd probably go on a killing spree every other month if he didn't." I don't think Uncle Miceli would go on a killing spree, but I think he'd kill a lot more people that annoy him.

"My da doesn't think made men should do anything soft, like draw or paint," Eoghan grumbles.

"Sometimes you have to wait to be the man you're meant to be." Like my da is meant to be boss but he has to wait until my grandda steps down.

"I'm not a man," Eoghan says. "Not yet."

Shelley frowns. "But you can't let go of the man you're meant to be, even if your da doesn't understand that being an artist doesn't make you weak."