Page 377 of Call Me Baby 2: Side B

Swallowing only reminds me

I have a throat.

A throat reminds me I have a body.

And my body is the weapon

that keeps hurting us both.

I try unclasping the necklace

with shaky fingers.

First try, I fail.

Second try, I fail.

Third try, it unhooks,

falling into my palm

with a delicate gold shiver.

Then I’m shaking my head ‘cause I don’t understand the math of him anymore.

I keep subtracting from his life,

and—“Why are you here?”

In the mirror, his tired eyes hold mine.

His mouth opens.

Then closes.

Then—“I signed a contract.”

The boneless laugh slips past my lips,

and I nod. “Right. The contract.”

“You want me to leave?” he asks.

The word ‘no’ shoots up from my chest

and waits in my mouth.

It’s a pathetic little thing.

I bite down on it instead,

deciding it’s best not to answer,

and reach behind me,

unzipping the dress,

sliding the straps off my shoulders.