Page 38 of Brutal Captivity

“Of course, you speak Italian…” but I cut him off.

“I can’t believe that I- Oh my god. What we did last night. I can’t believe I let you touch me.” I swallow, trying to keep the vomit from completing its entrance into the world. Tears sting my eyes. “You touched me with your filthy, blood stained hand.” Losing my battle with my tears, they stream down my face. My breaths come out in short quick huffs, panic rising in my system, presenting itself in the form of shaking limbs and uneven breaths.

“Callisto, calm down. It’s not what you think. I swear. It’s not. Please don’t have a panic attack on me. Deep breaths.” Leo’s voice is gentle as it breaks through my haze. My vision clears enough to see his face, his expression worried. I try to even out my breathing, feeling Leo's small hand on my chest, while he talks to me in a soothing tone. I can’t tell what he is saying, though.

All I can think about is the fact that the hand over my heart is the very same one that forced another heart to stop beating only hours prior, and I allowed that hand to touch my body. Allowed it to pleasure me last night, and I would be tempted to do it again because it’s the best I had felt in far too long.

“How could it possibly not be what I think, Leo? You come home with blood on your hands and a backpack full of money, then you admit to killing a man, and now you’re putting money in your safe!” I say between labored breaths, more panic rising to the surface. It’s about to boil over, threatening to take my grip on reality with it. My chest hurts, and I can’t seem to get enough air. I want to curl into a ball and hide.

“Look, I know you hate me and don’t trust me which is fine because I’ve never given you a reason to, but I’m not lying. It’s not what you think. I was taking money out of my safe, not putting money in it,” Leo explains, and I try to focus. He was removing money from his safe to put with the money in the backpack? Why would he do that if he was going to keep it to buy things? Was he taking it to his bank? That wouldn’t make much sense because a deposit that large is bound to raise suspicions.

“What are you doing with the money then?” I ask, my breathing starting to regulate and my heart rate slowing down. I look at Leo, silently begging him to tell the truth. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I hate myself for allowing Leo to touch me, knowing his past, but at the same time I yearn forit to happen again. My body feels like it is being ripped to pieces, and I’m not even sure which direction I should follow.

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” Leo sighs, reaching up to play with his pendant. I sniffle, wiping my eyes.

“Try me,” I respond, eyes narrowing.

“Fine. It would be easier if I showed you. Get dressed and come with me. We are going on another field trip,” Leo says after a few minutes, seemingly in deep thought.

I don't question him. I turn on my heel to walk out of the room, going to the guest room to change as he instructed. I have no idea where we are going, but I don’t think anything will convince me that he didn’t do anything wrong. I shouldn’t even agree, but here I am, changing into more of Leo’s clothes, going to follow a criminal into oblivion for the second time in 24hours.

eighteen

“I would never hurt anyone here, or anyone period.”- Callisto

“Wherearewe?”Iask, looking around at the street we’re parked on, as I fiddle with my tracking bracelet in nervous anticipation. It’s the afternoon, the sun’s bright in the sky but providing very little warmth.

Leo doesn't answer. He gets out of the car, and I have no choice but to follow suit, my curiosity getting the better of me. I shiver when my body meets the cold air outside, the wind cutting through me. It’s one of those days that seems to get colder as the hours pass by. I hold my borrowed coat tighter around me, hunching over to protect myself from the elements.

I look around while I walk, not recognizing the street we’re on. It’s definitely a more impoverished part of town; the buildings are run down with improper care. People are leaning against them, attempting to shield themselves from the cold, their hands dirty and their clothes ragged. A pang of sympathy shoots through my chest because they must be freezing. I still don't understand why Leo brought me here and what this has to do with our argument or the man he killed.

I follow Leo inside a large building, the hinges on the door creaking as he forces it open. The smell hits me first, thick and inescapable. The only way I can describe it is rotting meat coated with a layer of dust. I try to not cringe at the aroma, but it’s difficult not to. I glance at Leo, finding him unfazed as we walk further inside. We turn a corner, and my eyebrows reach my hairline. We are in a large room, bunk beds lined up with people lounging about.

I look around, taking in the appearances of the occupants. They all look young, really young, probably teenagers. Some may be even younger. I try to keep my eyes trained on the back of Leo's head, but it’s hard to ignore the stench or the startling appearances of some of the young faces surrounding me.

Some have matted hair. Some have open sores on their face and neck. Some have holes in their clothes or shoes. Others aren’t even wearing shoes. The chatter immediately quietens as I walk through. All eyes land on me andembarrassment heats my cheeks. They aren’t giving Leo the same looks, as if they know him.

“Leo! What are you doing here?” A voice says, catching my attention. A woman is walking up to Leo, wearing a kind smile. She has a deep complexion, smooth and flawless with dark hair pulled into a ponytail. Her voice is deep and soothing. I wonder if she is transitioning or has transitioned. I don't want to ask though because it would be rude.

She’s older, probably closer to my mom’s age. A button that says ‘she/her’ is pinned to her shirt that says ‘Homeless Not Hopeless’ andoh. It’s then that I realize that we’re in a homeless shelter. It all adds up, and I silently kick myself for not figuring it out sooner. Why are they acting as if they know Leo, though?

“Oh, you know, the usual,” Leo responds, a large smile lighting up his face. A pang of jealousy stabs my stomach. I don't get to see him smile like that very often, but he easily did it for this woman.

She’s shorter than Leo, so he has to bend down to reach her for a hug, and I can’t help but wonder if he would bend down to hug me. He’s quite a bit taller than me, after all. It is then that I decide if I ever hug Leo, I will get on my tiptoes because his back doesn't deserve that kind of punishment.What am I even thinking? I don’t want to hug Leo. I am still mad at him.I need to keep my brain in check.

“Oh. The usual, huh? Okay. Well, you know the drill, let's go to my office,” she says, her eyes darting in the direction she came from. Leo smiles at her, but as soon as her eyes leave his face, he frowns again. Like he’s giving me glimpses of the haunted man that came home with blood on his hands. Given the way he is acting with this woman, you would never know the state he was in not that long ago. I can still see that man between heartbeats, out of the corner of my eye when Leo thinks no one is watching.

“Oh. I also brought a friend. This is Cali. Cali, this is Kiki. Don’t worry, he’s safe and trustworthy. He’s gay as well.” Leo’s hand gestures towards me, and that’s odd. Why would he feel the need to point out my sexuality, as if it's an important detail? I try not to let my heart flutter at Leo saying I’m trustworthy, but it does. This place obviously holds some importance to him, and I’m finally getting a glimpse into his life, his past.

“Good afternoon, madam. I actually prefer not to label myself, but yes, I promise I’m safe. I would never hurt anyone here, or anyone period,” I assure, offering my hand. She looks me over not once, but twice, and I barely resist the urge to squirm. For some reason, it feels as though I am meeting Leo's parents.I almost withdraw my hand in embarrassment before hers is in mine, shaking it firmly.

“Well Cali, I haven’t seen you here before, so I’m assuming you’re not homeless, and you look a little too old to be in the ‘youth’ category. What are your pronouns?” She smiles, and I instantly relax. A homeless shelter for gay youth. That explains how young some of these occupants look, but that doesn’t keep me from being shocked by the situation.

“He and him are fine,” I answer quickly as we turn to follow her. I can’t stop my curious eyes from looking around the room again, armed with new knowledge about the establishment. I couldn’t imagine what it would feel like to be homeless, but adding gay into the mixture sounds terrifying.

I, myself, haven't always felt safe with my sexuality, and I have never been in an even remotely sketchy situation until recently. They must feel so alone in the world, cast out with no one to care about them. Not to mention being afraid every single day of being taken advantage of because of their sexuality or worse, killed. I blink a few times, attempting to hold back tears.

“Sorry, I mislabeled you,” Leo whispers, breaking through my subconscious as we walk behind Kiki. I am confused for a split second before I remember.