Page 39 of Own It

“Then how do you get your needs met? I’m sure you aren’t celibate.”

“Why? You gon’ handle ’em? If not, you shouldn’t be asking, Daylin.” He licked his lips, and damn, it was like porn.

His words turned me on but caused me to seize up a bit too. I didn’t want to put ideas in his head that it was okay to have access to my body while I was in captivity.

“No—”

“Relax, aight? Taking pussy that’s not freely offered to me ain’t my style.”

Calming down as he’d asked, I questioned, “Why are you against relationships? You must’ve been hurt before.”

I hoped he didn’t clam up like the last time I tried to probe and get into his business. He was so mysterious, and that made it hard not to want to get in his damn business.

“Something like that.” He shrugged his muscular shoulders that were very visible in the wife beater clinging to his upper body. “But also because most of the shit we see is fake. When I give a fuck about someone, I go hard for ’em, lay my life down for ’em if necessary. Most people don’t appreciate that shit or take it for granted. I care too much when I care and therefore prefer not to give a fuck at all.”

I was trying to piece things together, so I could assume that the woman he’d gone to prison for had maybe turned on him or broken up with him. Sadly, I couldn’t even blame him for feeling the way he did if that were the case. If I went to prison for someone and they cheated, betrayed me, lied, or shit, even stepped on my foot by accident, I would be pissed.

“Maybe you just haven’t met the right person.”

“Have you?” His brows lifted.

“I have. I love Shaun, and he loves me.” Part of this was true, but Shaun being the one wasn’t, especially after talking to my dad today.

When Rakim chuckled, I immediately got on the defense.

“That’s why he laid up playing video games and snacking all while not even knowing where the fuck you disappeared to.” Rakim kept chuckling as if something was funny.

This was the first time I wasn’t admiring his beautiful smile.

“What exactly is he supposed to do?” I defended. “Set out to rescue me and end up dead? He’s not a thug like that!”

Shaun sold drugs here and there, but he was no killer and especially not the 007 rescue mission kind. I shook my head at myself for internally exonerating Shaun from the punk ass boyfriend charges.

“You right.” Rakim’s laughter ceased, but he was still smiling, with his fine, annoying ass. “He can’t move how some other niggas can. But a nigga who love you would be sick, out of his fucking mind right now. Thug or not, I couldn’t sit up and wait for a nigga to hand me my girl back.”

“How do you know he’s not sick and coming up with something this minute!” I yelled, full on pissed, and my anger only made Rakim smile wider.

“I know what he doing, and it ain’t that.” He watched me for a bit, grin gone, then continued. “That’s exactly why I don’t fuck with relationships. You be all in, thinking a muthafucka feel the way you feel, whole time you the only one that’s ’bout it.” He watched me as I pondered on his words, then sighed. “I ain’t mean to make you feel bad, lil mama. I’m just keeping it real.”

When I didn’t say anything, he surveyed me momentarily, then stood up to leave.

As soon as the door closed, I lay down, not in the mood to read the new book he’d given me the day prior. Hours later, my pessimistic thoughts tired me out, sending me to sleep.

* * *

The next morning . . .

I woke up to the smell of waffles, bacon, and scrambled eggs topped with cheese. To drink, there was a bottle of water and then my iced chai tea. Every morning, I got a variation of breakfast but my same tea and water bottle. Afterward, Cynthia would always inquire on how everything tasted and if there were any adjustments she could make, hence the cheese that was now on my eggs.

As I sat upright beside the headboard since I was cuffed to it, I noticed a small note on the breakfast tray signed by Rakim.

Don’t let a bitter nigga like me fuck with your head. Enjoy your breakfast.

-Rakim.

I smiled reading it, though I still felt all the same sadness about Shaun as I had from the previous night. Part of it was because of the shit Rakim said, but it was majority due to the fact that he seemed to be okay with me being gone and him having no real information on my whereabouts. Rakim’s comments only supported what I was already feeling, which was why it was so bothersome.

Since being here, I began to question why I had been wasting my time with a man I didn’t truly see a future with. I’d been taking life for granted, assuming I would have time to date him and then find the love of my life some years down the line once we broke up. But now being held captive and possibly enduring the last few months of my life, I regretted not ending shit with Shaun sooner. The last year or so I spent with him could’ve been occupied by a man I was head over heels for had I not taken my life for granted.