“No. You don’t get to apologize this time!”
“Betty, I really… I have reasons why I?—”
“I don’t care. It won’t work. You don’t want to see me. You’re fine.”
“I’m not, though. I’m not fine if you aren’t.”
“I’m not here to assuage your guilt. I’m just doing what I said I would.”
“Betty, can you just pull over?” I sighed. “Please?”
“We gotta get there. It’s?—”
“We have time. Take this exit.”
She got off at the next junction and parked on a lonely lane.
“I do not want to be the reason you miss your flight. That will just be one thing for you to make me feel bad about.”
I took a deep breath, “I am perpetually early and Alicia and Bea are always late.”
“Who is Bea?”
“My ex. The one who is married to Alicia. They have a baby. And they’re both my best friends.”
“So you judge me for Hank, but you don’t say ‘hey, I get it’? You really are something!”
“It’s not the same!”
I realized how biphobic that sounded the minute it came out. I prayed she’d let it go, but Betty bristled.
“I’m not tainted?—”
“It’s not that. It’s… your coach, Betty! It’s totally different.”
“He works for me. We are both grown-ups. We’re friends. It’s nothing you need to?—”
“He groomed you, though.”
Her jaw dropped and I realized I may have read the situation wrong.
“Sorry. I’m… projecting,” I said.
She cocked her head, “Why would you?—”
“It’s complicated.” I pulled my hair and leaned against the window before turning. “And… I am sorry. It wasn’t you so much ashim.”
“Why? I can assure you that while we were a disaster, he is one of my best friends. He was the one who told me to talk to you. He just wants to see me happy. We support one another. There is nothing going on.”
“It’s not about Hank. In general, I don’t trustmen. I don’t know what you have heard about the Swedes and Max Mixxon, but he is a bad man—a man who preyed on me. He has this whole cult of lifting women up but all he wants is to sleep with young, virginal talent. I cannot help but suspectanyone who would sleep with their riding students is the same.”
“Look, it’s very normal in my world for this to happen. Wise? No. But it’s so common. You just admitted to traveling with your ex when she’s with your bandmate!”
I nodded, realizing it was wrong. “Bets, you’re right.”
“So, was this all about Hank?”
She knew well enough that it wasn’t just that and her knowledge of the second part signaledIwas the hypocrite. It was rubbish behavior for a supposedly self-assured forty-something lesbian who knew better. I’d projected, but it didn’t let me off the hook.
