“Sure.”
“So aretheyyour pick?”
“You know I have to support Giftehode,” I said.
“So, no love for the UK?” She asked.
She knows! How the fuck does she know!?My palms sweated. We’d been caught, but how? I’d been so careful. We’d barely occupied the same continent for the last few months. I’d been such a good girl! Now, at the last minute it fell apart.
“I don’t know why you are baiting me into going against my home team,” I said, voice too sharp.
“I just didn’t see you spend much time with them, is all. It seems like anytime you mingle with the bands, it’s you and Mary Jensson just… chatting.”
I locked my eyes on hers and realized beyond a doubtKaldi knew. No matter what I did to side-step, she’d find out. I could lie and say I could act like a bystander or even a friend to Mary, but Kaldi was smarter than her boho nightmare of a wardrobe suggested.
“Can we stop the cameras?” I asked. “And go off the record?”
Kaldi nodded in their direction, realizing we’d not approve the documentary if she didn’t follow orders. Uncle Olav ultimately had a say on what they could and couldn’t add to the final cut. I didn’t know howmuchshe knew, but I needed a ballpark estimate.
I held my cards close. “I don’t wish to discuss anything that could put Marit in danger or cause anyone to call favoritism.”
“This stays here,” Kaldi said. “But… I saw you two holding hands. I have it on camera.”
So, she’s not fucking with me!
My jaw dropped. “Where?”
“Miragelite. The 4låt show.”
“Shit!” I groaned.
“So, thereissomething going on?”
“I… I care about her. I… I don’t want to expose this and cost her everything. I don’t want people claiming I was unfair or that the only reason she did well is because of me. This cannot be about me.”
“I understand. But I worry… look, we’ve been working together for months,” Kaldi explained. “And it’s obvious that you like her. I didn’t even know you were gay.”
I took a deep breath and looked at the ceiling, keenly aware I shouldn’t trust this woman, but also feeling like a denial was a strike at myselfandMary. I didn’t want to hide anymore. After all, by the time this doc ran, I’d be out. What good did denying it do?
“I’m queer,” I explained. “I’m bi, but I’m not out… not yet. I fell for her, okay? It’s not about me, though.”
I let it out, realizing Kaldi was the first person I’d come out to beyond my inner circle.
To my surprise, she snickered. “Oh, sweetheart, it’s fine. We’re all queer.”
I wasn’t sure if she meant everyone was “a little gay” or if the whole crew was queer, but given that UniVox was the gayest competition yet, I decided I was among friends and it was the latter.
She asked, “Isn’t it beautiful that music brought you together?”
I shrugged. “It… it is… but I want to leave it out of this. I’m not ashamed. I’m more worried about her desire for privacy. She deserves to win this. Can you respect that?”
Pity overcame her face, but she shrugged. “Sure. We will just… leave that bit out. But if it changes, let us know. For what it’s worth, I think you owe it to yourself to come out.”
“Thanks.” I hoped that was true.
It stabbed me in the heart. I felt relief when Kaldi agreed to keep things secret, then grief. Somehow, denying my truth and love for Mary felt wrong. I wanted so badly to tell everyone how much I loved this woman, but to protect her, I resisted that selfish urge. We wrapped and I returned to my room to prepare for the first event on my schedule—a mixer with industry people.
I laid out my outfit just as I promised Mary. I’d wear red—for Norway—and she’d be in blue—for Sweden. I searched my jewelry box for a bracelet I bought from a goldsmith in Gothenburg while there with my parents on an engagement a decade before. As I did my makeup, I decided to leave my hair down for Mary. If I couldn’t be with her like we both deserved, I’d give her some little signs I thought of her.
