Graham looks alarmed.
Sucks to suck.
“Not now, Gran—he has to go.”
Lulu gives herself a shake as she jumps out after me. The doorman slams the door shut and takes my bag and Lulu’s leash. The driver’s-side window rolls down, and Graham hands the doorman a folded twenty.
The car speeds off. He doesn’t even say goodbye.
“He didn’t want to come in? Your dad’s back from Costco. They have that new chicken salad.” Gran shakes her head. “That man needs some grandchildren.”
“Nice catch, Ms. Dani.” The doorman winks at me. “You need to bring your boy around more often. Make sure it’s when I’m on duty, yeah?” He presses the button for the elevator.
“Should have seen the look on old Ferret Face. She’s been going on and on about how she just can’t believe that Danielle”—Gran twists her mouth to mimic one of her DAR group friends—“could find a well-to-do man. And am I sure she’s not pregnant with the window cleaner’s baby?”
“Do I look pregnant?” I look down at my admittedly too-tight clothes.
Gran pats me on the hip. “You look great, toots. Men like a little something to grab onto. Especially your man. A billionaire!” She grabs my arm. “My Dani landed a billionaire, and he’s not a crusty old coot with hair growing out of his ears. This one is H-O-T-T hot! Does he have a private plane? Because my girls’ trip is to Belize next month, and I want to arrive in style.”
“I, um… I don’t know.”
“You don’t know if he has a plane?” Gran peers at me.
“No—obviously he has a plane.” Maybe this fake-boyfriend thing wasn’t such a good idea. “He’s got lots of planes. I just don’t know if any of them are free for friends and family.”
Or if we will even be in a fake relationship next month. Shoot—what if Graham doesn’t show up on Tuesday? I fret. What am I going to do? Go to the police and say, “Hey, my fake boyfriend who kidnapped me—but I have no evidence of that—didn’t show up for my friend’s work engagement party?”
No, of course not.
“Guess who just got laid! Whooo!” Gran shouts, flinging open the front door to the condo.
“Mother!” My mom rushes out. “What if the neighbors hear? Can you please control yourself?”
“Then that old bat across the hall will see that my granddaughter has landed a better man than any of hers ever has. Now, haven’t I always done right by you, girlie?” Gran leans in conspiratorially. “So, you wanna show your ol’ gran the dick-pic album? I bet it’s the size of a two-liter soda bottle. At least.”
“Mother. Dani.” My mom looks at me and shakes her head slowly. Any nascent confidence I felt going toe to toe with Graham slowly seeps out of me as I deflate.
It’s always like that. No matter how good I do at my job, I come home and it’s like I’m the chubby twelve-year-old that my mom is silently disappointed by.
“Honestly. Did you have to be out at Brasserie Saint-Montreval dressed like that?” My mom tsks. “Why didn’t you come home and change? Or I could have brought you some clothes.”
“It was fine, Mom.”
“I think you look hot.” A man in his late fifties gives me a thumbs-up from the couch.
“This is your grandmother’s latest boyfriend.” Mom stares vacantly into the living room.
“I live here now.”
“Okay, you know what? No, you don’t. Nobody’s getting tenant rights. Get your shit and get out,” Gran demands. “I can get another where that came from.”
“Please don’t,” Mom moans. “You’re setting a bad example for Dani.”
“No, I’m setting a great example.” Gran bows. “I bow to you—we are not worthy. A billionaire! Where did you find him? I need to get me one of those.”
“Men like Graham Richmond have a reputation to protect.” My mom follows me as I head back into the condo. “It’s no wonder he didn’t want people to know you were dating. You shouldn’t have forced his hand to go public. He obviously had misgivings about you. The woman is part of the brand of a man like that. She is part of his soft power.” She claps her hands. “I’ve gone to Saks and bought you some clothes. Go try them on.”
Sighing, I pick up the plastic bags and scuttle to the tiny bathroom.
