She barks a laugh. “By hooking up with the leader of the Rebels?”
“Wh-What?” I stutter. “What are you talking about?”
She rolls her eyes. “Don’t play dumb, wife. We’ve all seen how you look at him, how you follow him around like a lost puppy.”
I shake my head. “I don’t know what you’ve heard, but there’s nothing going on between me and Maverick.” A bit of a fib, since there definitely issomethingbetween us, even if I don’t know what, exactly.
She continues, unconvinced by my assurance. “Take it from someone who knows: Maverick’s always had a thing for damaged goods. Some kind of savior complex, I guess.”
Damaged goods? Take it from someone who knows?
God, I’m such an idiot.
“You and Maverick were together?”
A triumphant grin spreads across her face. “For a year, wifey. So, believe me when I tell you I know that man better than you ever will. The only reason he’s showing any interest in you is because you’re ripe with unprocessed trauma.”
A strange feeling squeezes in my chest. Disappointment? Anger? Jealousy? I push it away and square my shoulders, unwilling to play Sam’s little game. “I didn’t come here to talk about Maverick. I came to apologize, which I’ve done, so I’ll be going now.”
“You might be awake now,sister,” she sneers. “But you’ll never truly be one of us.”
I know she’s just trying to get a rise out of me, and unfortunately for her, it’s working. My fists clench. “I don’t need your approval to know I’m doing the right thing.”
She smiles cruelly. “Ah, yes. Your little undercover mission. It’s cute how you think that will be enough to change anything.”
I clench my jaw, forcing myself to walk away. “Goodbye, Sam.”
“They’ll break you, little wife,” she calls after me.
I ignore her, walking through the forest without a particular destination in mind. I let my thoughts wander, wondering if there’s any truth to what Sam said. Is Maverick only paying attention to me because I’m his type, traumatized and vulnerable? Or maybe he’s just being nice? There’s been tension between us, sure. And I do find myself attracted to him, both physically and emotionally. But maybe it’s all in my head. After all, he’s never so much as evenlookedat my body lustfully. Maybe he doesn’t feel the same chemistry I do. Sam made it seem like he purposefully targets victims of the Brotherhood to pursue romantically, but I have a hard time believing that. Maverick doesn’t have a predatory bone in his body. And, he left this morning to take Joseph back home, so I can’t even ask him if what Sam said is true.
I walk for ages until I find myself on the shoreline. I sit on the coarse sand, running my fingers through the tiny pebbles on the beach. Wrapping my arms around my bent knees, I rest my chin on my legs and look out on the water, content to sit and listen to the waves lapping at the shore.
I’ve already been struggling with whatever I’ve been feeling for Maverick, while still feeling some sick sense of loyalty to Gabriel. Even though our marriage was arranged and he’s spent the last eight years taking advantage of me in every way imaginable, I can’t help but feel like letting myself fully embrace my emotions for Maverick would be cheating on Gabriel. And even if my feelings for Maverick were reciprocated, it would feel unwise to dive directly into another romantic relationship when I’m still figuring outwho I am on my own.
I don’t know how long I sit on the beach, running through countless hypothetical scenarios in my head until I finally come to a conclusion that has a proud smile pulling at the corners of my mouth.
For once, I’m not gonna let anyone dictate my feelings or my actions. I’m done letting others—especially men—influence how I move through the world. It’s time I took control of my own life, and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna sacrifice my own happiness just for the sake of propriety.Fuck that. I know what I want and I deserve to be selfish for once, just like Maverick said.
By the time I’m ready to head back to camp, the sun is dipping behind the trees. I don’t have so much as a match, let alone a flashlight or a lantern that will help me navigate through the forest in the dark. I was distracted when I walked here, so I really don’t even know how to get back to camp aside from trying to retrace my steps.
Shit.
A deafening clap of thunder has me jumping, and I look up just in time to notice the dark gray clouds that have rolled in over the island. I get off the beach and back under the cover of the trees right as the sky seems to open up. Instead of the climate’s normal misty drizzle, this rain pours down in a sheet so powerful it’s blinding. The canopy offers little shelter, and my clothes become soaked in a matter of seconds.
I swipe at the brown curls plastered to my forehead as water drips off my hair and into my eyes, making it even harder to see where I’m going. Teeth chattering and body shivering, I stumble across themuddy terrain toward what I hope is camp, but I’m starting to get worried. What if I can’t find my way back? What if I get hypothermia or pneumonia? Every passing moment has me feeling more and more panicked until my fear becomes paralyzing.
It’s too dark and I’m too cold to try and find any kind of shelter, so I hunker down against a large tree trunk, prepared to wait until morning. I should be able to get back to camp once it’s light.I hope.
Maverick
Present Day
“Yours is the light by which my spirit's born: - you are my sun, my moon, and all my stars.”? E.E. CUMMINGS
“I’m going to look for her.” I zip my raincoat and pull the hood up, as if the waterproof layer will somehow combat the anxiety sitting in my gut.
“Mav, I’m sure she’s fine,” Bec reassures me, tracking my frantic movements.
