‘Oh.You sure?I’d love to hear you play.’
‘Another time,’ I say, reaching for the cheesecake, then quickly stopping myself to maintain the lie.‘Stomach’s a bit off.’
That’s when Gloria laughs and says, ‘Hope you’re not pregnant.’
Darcy takes a sip of beer and raises his eyebrows.‘Again?’
Ella smacks him.
My unused spoon crashes against the plate.
The table freezes.
Dylan looks at me, confused.‘Wait … are you pregnant?’
‘Again?’Luke asks quietly.Too quietly.
I shoot to my feet.‘Excuse me.’
I bolt.I’m halfway across the yard before I breathe again.The air out here is cooler, calmer.Finally, I can hear myself think – which turns out to be a mixed blessing.I pass the cabins, cut through aslice of scrubby grass and keep going until I hit the fence line, then stop.The two horses stand still in the night, heads slightly raised as if waiting for some drama.Lucky them.
‘Jamie!’Ella calls behind me.
I keep walking, following the fence line.
‘Jamie,stop, dammit.My pregnant arse can’t walk that fast.’
She catches up, slightly winded, leaning on the wooden rail that separates us from the open paddock.Her belly pushes forward as she exhales and shoots me the kind of look you only get from someone who loves you and remembers your MSN handle.
We’re both quiet for a moment.A horse lumbers over and gently nudges Ella’s hand with its nose.She strokes its forehead and doesn’t say anything.Just leans in, breathing.Letting me unravel at my own pace.
‘I didn’t mean for any of this to happen,’ I say eventually, staring out at the dark.‘I thought I could fake my way through.I didn’t think it would matter.’
‘You didn’t think it would matter to who?’she asks.
‘To anyone,’ I mutter.‘To you.To Dylan.To … You know, a warning about Luke being at dinner would’ve been nice.’
She lifts an eyebrow.‘I did warn you.’
‘No, you said it was a family dinner.’
‘Luke is family,’ she says, then nudges me with her elbow.‘The same way you are.’
That gets me, in the soft spot between my ribs.My smile is small and bent and half sad.‘How’s Dylan?’I ask, not sure I want to know.
Ella exhales through her nose.‘Lost.A bit confused.You’ve got some explaining to do, to both of them.’
‘Think I’d rather sleep out here with the horses.’
‘And snakes,’ Ella adds.
I tilt my head.‘Still seems like a better option.’
She’s quiet for a moment, then says, ‘When I moved out here for my gap year, I cried every day.’
‘I remember,’ I say, smiling fondly at the memory.
She nods.‘Called you guys constantly.Spent every night googling flights back.My whole body was screaming at me to go home.That life was easier back there.That I could fix it all by … not trying.But you know what stopped me?’
