Additionally, their hurt was the sort that had to come from deep feelings. At the Winter’s Grand Ball, they had danced, and they had sparkled together, but they hadn’t shone with love.Somewhere along the line, they fell in love without having to go through me. He loved that for them. When he had told Zack that he deserved all the love he could handle, this was the sort of thing he’d meant.
What they needed was patience, and Roger found a well of it. Rushing the mending of hearts would only shatter them further. But their time was also limited, and he needed them all on the same page before he left. Or, at the very least, in the same book.
He kissed Zack’s fingertips, then Takashi’s. They were still as statues.
“I have plenty to say, but first, what’s happened between you two?” Roger asked.
Both looked toward the floor in the opposite direction of the other.
His lovers were intent on keeping up their shields, so Roger decided to lower his own. He let the ache he had harbored for both of them since they’d been taken from him out from his heart. Rather than stowing the fear he’d felt for their safety, he untied it from its mooring and let it loose.
They would have to choose to read him.
After a long moment, Zack slumped and put his hand to his face to cover his tears. Takashi tightened his grip on Roger’s hand.
They must have peeked at what he’d shown them. They knew how deeply he loved them.
“I fucked up,” Zack said. “I … I massively fucked up.”
Takashi looked to the ceiling, batting his eyes so that his tears wouldn’t start. “In trying to build something, I have becomenothing.”
Zack frowned at him.
“I know how that feels,” Roger said gently. “I have been struggling with that myself. But you are not nothing, Takashi. You could never be.”
Takashi laughed, a bitter, brittle sound, and strayed farther to the side. “You don’t know what he’s done.”
“I do, too!” Zack stepped toward the other wall as he turned to face Takashi. He still clutched Roger’s hand. “And I am so, so, so fucking sorry.”
“Not you,” Takashi said, wiping away a tear. “At least, not just you.”
“I need more information,” Roger said.
Takashi shook his head, his tears running down his cheeks.
“Fine, you want to know? I told Seamus that Nell wants me dead,” Zack replied. “He’s beenniceto me. He … it’s weird, and it’s fucking twisted, but Seamus loves me like his son. As much as Seamus can love anyone. More than my actual dad does.”
“I doubt that.”
Zack rolled his eyes, then sighed away his sarcasm. He said sincerely, “Look, I know you’re brimming with happiness that you’re able to hold us again, but my father?—”
Roger released Zack’s hand and held up one finger to make him pause. Once Zack clamped his jaws shut, he said, “I have something for you. From him.”
“From who? Mydad?” Zack asked. “How?”
Roger took the envelope from Thomas out of his pocket and handed it over to Zack. “I needed help from someone with your wealth of knowledge and the practical experience I seemed to lack. I reached out to your father, and he answered. I don’t know what that letter says, but I do know that he has been trying to right his wrongs. He called you courageous.”
“You’ve been working with my dad?” Zack scowled at Roger. “Seriously?”
“And your sister,” Roger said. Takashi’s mental shield was cracking. The desire to scream and howl his pain was growing. Not knowing what was causing the break, Roger held on to his hand firmly. The comfort of his touch was all he had.
“She’s just a kid!”
“Seems she shares a family trait. She’s stubborn as hell,” Roger replied. “Even your father can’t convince her to sit on the sidelines.”
“What about my mom? Cal?” Zack asked hesitantly.
“Your mother never showed. I did try to break into the mansion to rescue you, but I was only able to save Dmitri, and only then because Anton allowed it. Cal came along on that mission but made it clear he wasn’t a trustworthy ally. Thomas sent him away.” Roger turned toward Takashi, angling his body in his direction. “Sweetheart, believe me when I say I have been fighting my doubts longer than you’ve been alive. Until I saw the two of you, I wasn’t sure the course I’d picked was the right one. But I amwithyou. Because of the two of you, I am discovering lost pieces of myself. Why did you say you’re nothing?”
