Compassion isn’t a weakness. Roger had said that.
Zack put a hand to his forehead. What would his future hold? Sitting on the sidelines while Roger ruled and Takashi offered advice? Aging while they remained hot and dangerous forever? Never talking to his dad or sister or brother or mother or cousins or grandparents ever again? Protecting Roger and Takashi fromthem, the people who had been his family but had discarded him?
A tiny bit of him knew. Knew where the power was. Knew who had it. Knew that it would damn him.
So he couldn’t want it.
But he did.
I’ve spent too long with them, the first thought proclaimed.
“I need some air,” Zack said. He twisted and grabbed the door handle.
Roger cheated and put his hand on the door, preventing him from opening it. He whispered, “Talk to me.Please.”
Please. That had been the hunter’s last word. That had been what Zack had said to Roger more than one time when he was begging for sex or for him to bite him. And that had been all him. Roger hadn’t toyed with his mind. He’d simply been there for him. Seen him in a way no one else had.
Except Takashi. Zack’s gaze drifted to him. Worry was in his blue eyes, but so was confusion.
And there would be a time where they would have each other, but not him. He’d be gone. Unless. Unless … he became …No.I’m not like them. I don’t like it.
Only he’d killed. He’d killed two vampires without giving a shit. He’d given out countless details on how to destroy various supernaturals over and over and over, and he’d thought he’d done a good job.
He was a monster, too. That’s what Seamus saw in him. What Anton had freaking clapped for.
I saved someone. Two someones. That girl in Detroit and Roger.
Twovampires, the Cal voice in his head countered.
“Did you enjoy it?” Zack asked. “Killing that guy tonight? Did you like it?”
Carefully, Roger slipped his fingers through strands of Zack’s hair. “What’s gotten into you?”
Zack dodged out of Roger’s touch and straightened. “Answer me.”
“You still haven’t answered Takashi’s question,” Roger replied.
“Maybe I’ll get to that. Maybe I don’t know what to fucking do anymore.” Zack stumbled as he took a few steps backward. The makeup on his face was a mask he wished he could tear off his skin. “I didn’t have a choice. But you did. You could have said no. You could have just torn his throat open. Or you could’ve brought him back here. But you killed him. Why? Why do that? Why not spare him?”
“Everything that happened tonight was a test,” Roger said seriously. “Had I spared him in any way, that would’ve meant I agreed with what Dmitri was doing.”
“And what was he doing?” Zack asked.
“I believe Dmitri attempted to kill Anton.”
“Is that why he was here the other night? To recruit us?”
“He might have thought about it, but he didn’t make his intentions clear.”
“Why did he wait this long to take a shot at the throne if he wanted it?” Zack said.
“Because Dmitri doesn’t care if the coven collapses,” Roger said. “I think he’d prefer it. He hates what we are. He believes we’re all damned. I think he was just hoping to take out Anton before he couldn’t stand living any longer.”
“Before he …” Zack frowned. “He’s been a vampire for hundreds of years.”
“And all this time, he’s been holding one hate deeper than his self-loathing. The one for Anton.” Roger paced away from the door. “He should be diagnosed with chronic depression. He’s had rare times where life wasn’t a burden for him, but he’s been hiding more of himself than I realized until the other night. He told me he was off to kill the devil, something he’s always called Anton.”
“You should’ve told me,” Zack said. “We could’ve helped him.”
