I couldn’t be in love with her. It wasimpossible.
Or it was entirely possible and I was in denial.
“You really know how to hide when you want to,” came a whisper.
“Leave me alone, Celeste,” I groaned out, scooting around the tree like a petulant child.
Definitely couldn’t be in love. No one in love acted so ridiculous. Didn’t love make youbetter?Or was that just a thing in the books Pri and Quinn would sneak behind their parents’ backs?
“No.” She sat beside me, her knees against her chest, placing her boots near the thigh of my trousers as she leaned her face into the shadows. If I wasn’t already sprawled out in the dirt, I’d be annoyed. “I only have a couple minutes. Just give me that.”
“You know, this is a form of torture.”
“Of all people, you would think talking through problems is torture, Az.” Huffing, I let my head fall against the tree. “I’m sorry for how I acted. I shouldn’t have yelled. Or hit you. Or called you useless.”
“I’ve experienced all three of those things my entire life. Don’t worry, I’m not offended anymore.”
“Yet, you ran off.”
“That was something else. It had nothing to do with you. Not really.”
“Regardless, I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that. I just…” Celeste’s deep exhale had me tensing against the tree, readying for something I likely didn’t want to hear. “I know I was wrong a lot of the time with Nova. I’d get soangryat the world, and then she’d be there celebrating it. Inviting in the hateful nature I wanted to weed out.”
“She had no choice. She was part of it.”
“Obviously. But I couldn’t—wouldn’t—see that. If I’d taken even a moment to look at her, I would have understood that she was facing her own internal battle, one with a lot more pain than I was. And that’s why I want her to choose this rebellion on her own. More than my hope that she’ll fight even if I die, I just want her to have the chance to make her own decisions. Ones that aren’t weighed down by the burden of us on her shoulders.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t think that’s going to happen. Not when she feels like she has to honor you.”
“That’s where you come in.”
She shifted, turning towards me and grabbing my forearm. I wanted to tug my entire arm away, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. She looked so…sincere.
“I need you to convince her that the rebellion is the right choice.”
“Might as well ask for the moons in your palm, too.”
“Az, I’m serious. Look, I know you don’t want to admit it, but you clearly have feelings for her.”Stars, it just gets worse.“Don’t cringe. You’re like a hundred years old, act like it.”
“Believe it or not, I’m trying. And I’m notthatold.”
“Well, old man or not, I’m okay with you being with her. Just…treat her right.”
“Celeste, I don’t know what you’re thinking, but—“
“I hope one day you see the good in yourself that I see.”
My head immediately flung forward, my eyes finding hers. I didn’t like the sound of those words. Not one bit.
“Stop talking like you’re going to die.”
“I might.”
“You won’t.”
“I could.”
“Don’t go. Just this once, tell Maitoza to fuck off. Come back to my cottage with us. Introduce Desi to your sister. Find some peace before everything falls apart.” There was a whine to my words, like a dog begging not to be left behind. That’s what I felt like these days. A guard dog being trained.
