Celeste crossed her arms, lifting her chin. “She won’t have any other choice. Just like I don’t. Not really.”
Silence pooled around us, falling in time with the tear she quickly wiped away as she sighed.
“The commander is sending me on a mission. Before you ask, I can’t tell you anything about it. I’ll be gone for a few weeks.”
“Oh, perfect timing. I’m sure Commander Psycho didn’t do that on purpose at all.”
“You don’t know anything.”
“I know that your sister is already choosing this rebellion in your name,” I shot back. My fists clenched at my sides as I turned to face her, looking down on the woman who held all of Tershetta’s remaining hope. Why couldn’t she see that? Why couldn’t she just choose her sister? “She’s only doing this foryou.To finish the fightyoustarted.”
Her palms shoved into my gut, pushing me away from her, but she only followed. She beat her fists against my chest, her angry words spilling without breaths in between. “Then fucking help me! Stop being useless and convince her so I don’t have to hide! So I can fucking atone and fight! Help! Me! Dammit!”
Catching her wrists, I bent my head, looking directly into her eyes. “First of all, I’m not useless. I’m the only one doing anything for her right now.” Every breath of hers became louder, body shaking, as if the guilt and fury was trying to burst out of her. “Second of all, I’m doing my best. You don’t get to blame me when you’re the one choosing this path. I don’t care what Maitoza thinks.Youare actively choosing this rebellion over your sister. Which, in case you didn’t see when you were busy blaming magic for all of your problems, is the direct opposite of what she has done for years. Every turn, your sister has chosenyou,even in the face of death.”
I shoved her back, annoyed and aggravated and so damn confused. Because what I really wanted to say wasI’d choose her. I’d choose her every time.And it was then, as I stared at her sister, that I realized something monumental. Something stars awful. Something dangerous.
I was in love with Nova fucking Tershetta.
“Don’t pretend like you understand Nova better than me!” Celeste said, her hands flying up into the air. But I couldn’t focus. I needed space. Solitude. A second to shatter without anyone there to watch me.
Stumbling away, feeling like a lunatic as the world spun and Celeste’s voice distorted, I tried to grasp any semblance of sanity I might have still possessed. My feet pushed me forward, bringing me to an all out sprint. I wasn’t sure where I was headed, I just knew that everything was falling apart around me. Every wall I’d built. Each belief I’d held. All of my life crumpled and withered in the presence of her. Of Nova. Nothing but herface seemed to form and stick in my mind as the brick buildings turned to trees, which trickled into open fields. Soon enough, I was surrounded by tall, brown grass that swayed with every gust of wind. The chilly air prickled my cheeks, stinging as I sped up. With each gasp of air, her name became louder. A chant. A song. A prayer. A divine hum.
Nova. Nova. Nova. Nova. Nova.
Maybe I’d die there. Maybe the end had found me and whatever was happening to my mind was the result of it failing.
No, it had to be a problem with my heart, which ached and beat in a violent symphony.
“Altair! Where the fuck are you going? Commander Maitoza said you were supposed to help us strengthen the cloak!” A woman’s voice tore me out of my trance, forcing me to a stop. Why was she out this far? The cloak was nowhere near this spot. “You really are insane, you know that? I swear, you’ll be the death of us all.”
“Oh, because fighting in a war that has us outnumbered and outskilled won’t kill us first? No, of course not. It’s me running that will do the trick.” Slowly, I pivoted, facing not only one rebel soldier, but three. At the front was Gemma, Peter and Val just behind her. Though I was positive I’d never met them before the first time I’d cloaked the island, they all three hated me viscerally. My voice was hoarse, my head aching.
“As if you aren’t chomping at the bit to betray us all and go back home to your daddy. Just so we’re clear,youare the most likely reason for us losing this war. Not our lack of skill or knowledge. You are evil to your very core, just like you all love to call yourselves,” Val said, stepping in front of Gemma like a shield. I was nearly as annoyed as she was. Well, I would have been if the chanting in my mind wasn’t so loud. If Little Void wasn’t consuming me entirely.
“You’re a traitor in the making, Altair. Don’t think for a second that we don’t see you for exactly what you are,” Peter added, remaining in the back.
“Maybe if you all didn’t sit here with your pristine uniforms and your baseless claims, then your opinions would matter to me. But I’m the one your precious commander chose. I’m the one who has actually seen war and lived to tell the tale. You grunts existed as no more than trained dogs for the shaytan military, and that was at your peak. So, excuse my lack of offense by your words.”
Shoving past Val, his arms flexing as if that would somehow help him grow eight inches and gain a hundred pounds, I quickly made my way to the edge of the cloak charm. I needed to get away from everyone before I truly snapped.
I need Nova.
Stars, I had a problem.
“Don’t walk away from us! We’re your superiors, you know!” Gemma shouted from my back, probably pointing at her useless ribbons. As if they somehow made her better than me. Awards granted for completing trainings and not being recognized by officials while on a mission? So impressive, truly. Except, it was fucking pathetic.
Perhaps they’d understand one day that no one is awarded participation medals in war. No, your gift is your life. Not dying is the badge of honor you wear. I knew that from what we learned about the conquerings. Every elite who died was a reminder that no one was ever really safe in the end.
“Just shut the fuck up so I can fix what I’m sure you messed up,” I spat, rolling my eyes. Then, just to annoy them, I shadow walked to the edge of the cloak. They wouldn’t make it backbefore I’d begun, and that was enough to have me grinning as I shoved my hands forward and cleared my mind.
***
Bad company aside, the cloaking went rather well.
As in, the cloak was up and I was under the tree farthest from where I’d be meeting Nova, blissfully alone while I lost my mind. I had about ten minutes, which was more than enough time to rot in my discovery.
I couldn’t stop thinking the word.Love.What even was that? How did I just know that it was how I felt? Maybe I was wrong. Stars knew it was rare, but even I was fallible. Even I got things incorrect sometimes.
