Altair slept inside, the shift and antidote taking a toll on his body and exhausting him. It was the perfect time to shadow walk to the Naqi district, walk up to Castle Zade, and kill the fucker. But I was no longer prepared. I’d need more shift, a semi-possible plan, and some will power.
I’d run out of all three.
The end was near. I could feel it. I’d heard it in the meetings, especially in the ways the heads of the core families would speak around certain topics in my presence. They had some sort of plan being concocted, which made sense seeing as they were cracking down harder on the eadi districts.
Something big was coming—somethingawful—and I wasn’t ready. In fact, I was relatively sure I’d rather die than keep trying. It felt selfish. Wrong. Horrible in every way. And yet, I couldn’t force myself to care or want anything other than relief from it all.
My mind strayed as I laid down in the soft snow, and I allowed myself to think of what life would have been like if I’d only stopped trying to be something I wasn’t.
***
Altair was still sleeping. It was midday by the time I finally walked inside, and he was lying on his bed, one of his pale arms draped over his eyes and the other dangling towards the ground. His long fingers still bore rings, the dark metal glinting in the light.
Death lay on his chest, purring softly. A puddle of drool was forming on his pillow, the saliva making a slow descent down his cheek. He was almost tolerable like that—silent.
Tearing my eyes away from him, I went to his cabinets, startled by how much food he had. How was it that even on the run, he hadso much?While it might have been true that eadi in the western districts likely wouldn’t recognize him, the image of him actually going and getting food was hard to picture.
Not that it was my business, really. He was lying aboutsomething,so trusting him or caring what he did was pointless. I grabbed a sack of crackers, bringing them with me as I walked to my pack on the ground near the sofa.
Hopefully Altair wouldn’t care that I was making myself at home, because I plopped onto the plush cushion, set the crackers next to me, and dragged my bag to my feet. I unzipped it, sifting through the contents until I found what I was looking for.
Celeste’s journal was beautiful, the strokes of her paintbrush creating a vibrant sunset. She’d always loved landscapes.
Shoving one of the crackers—what was that spice? That had to be from the Farigh District—into my mouth, I leaned back and opened the clasp.
Celeste was gone, so obviously this wasn’t really invading her privacy. Yet, even the ache of her absence couldn’t absolve me from the guilt that clenched my chest as I flipped open the cover.
Nova is pissing me off today. All she cares about is magic. I wish she’d open her eyes and see how poisonous it is.
Well, that stung. I flipped a few pages farther.
Dad said I can’t tell Nova this, but he coughed up blood today. Coincidence that it was hours after taking haya? Doubt it.
Stars above.
Sighing, I pinched my eyes closed, not acting quick enough to stop the tears from crawling down my cheeks. When I opened them, my vision was blurry, but I still skipped another chunk of pages and read.
Ella told me that Nova was a demon today. I didn’t mean to react like I did, but I’m also not sorry I busted her lip. Nova is better than any of the other shaytan. She’s still so pure. I swear she really believes in the world. In the stars.
I wish I could explain to her what happened to Dad. If only to remind her of what really lurks above.
What was that about Dad? I scanned the rest of the page, but Celeste didn’t go into detail. I eagerly flipped to the last entry, finding that it was the day of my graduation. Shoving more crackers into my mouth for support, I read.
Maitoza says the rebellion is growing faster than she anticipated. Their unit in the Farigh Districthas nearly tripled in size since she told them that the stars gave Nova the shadows. She says it’s giving them the faith they need to rise. I can see that. It’s not every day the stars offer favor to an of eadi. I do wonder though, what side will the stars choose when push comes to shove?
I sat in silence, my mouth full of crackers and my head aching. But there, twisting and turning in the back of my mind, was anidea.
***
When Altair woke up the next morning, sitting up so quickly his face took on a green tint, I had already decided what I was going to do.
I lay on the ground surrounded by the blankets he’d been using as a bed, the smell of him encircling me and making the stars giggle maniacally in my head.
Silently, I watched as he tried to slowly turn only his eyes my way, Death tilting her head and making my nose itch. He must have realized I was awake, because his body sagged and his head fell into his waiting palms.
He was so strange now.
“How long have I been asleep?” he asked, his voice so deep it was startling. His hair was a mess, ends sticking out in every direction and a bit of stubble gracing his cheeks that shone silver in the morning light streaming in from the windows.
