Suddenly, as if I was being punched in the face by Tershetta’s words, I understood. And I knew at that moment that Little Void wouldn’t condemn me or judge me. Of all people, she’d understand me.
I met her gaze, watching as her eyes watered, the tears not quite falling.
“I don’t know why I was surprised. The men do it openly. They watch their fellow cores raise their young girls, waiting until they’re awarded magic and then buying them like cattle. My father picked out my mother when she was six. At the time, she was the sole heir of the Brash dynasty. But she was beautiful. She had bright blonde hair with the strangest pink tint to it, and her eyes were a startling blue. Even as a little girl, she was smart and talented. Father said he would have killed for her, because he had a feeling she’d sire powerful heirs. Little did he know, my mother would only give him one child.” I was getting off topic, but my mouth couldn’t stop moving, my eyes glued to Tershetta’s. “She hates him now. Of course she does. He only stopped beating her when he realized it wouldn’t help produce another child. I’m the only one of my friends without a sibling, which forced me to be the best. There was no fall back, no second chance. And so when Captain Zade told me that if I didn’t fuck her she’d make sure I didn’t graduate, well…”
“You did what you had to do,” Tershetta said after a few moments, finishing the sentence I couldn’t.
“Yeah. I did what I had to do. And, for a while, she got what she’d been wanting for decades. She’d come for me whenevershe felt like it, and her husband was none the wiser. But she got sloppy. Sometimes she’d even touch me during trainings. One time she forced me to take her on the beach. It was like she wanted to get caught. What started as drinking randomly for a bit of relief turned into me struggling to be sober. And then she came for me after graduation. I thought I’d be free. That she was done with me. But she said she’d have me for as long as she wanted, and I lost it.”
Just like before, I waited for her to finish my thought. Hoping she’d say what I couldn’t.
“You killed her. That was why you were so bloody when I saw you that night.” Her voice was hoarse, a sort of rasp that made it sound like she needed to clear her throat.
Slowly, I began to rotate, the external pain somehow numbing the internal ache.
“Don’t move, you could rip your stitches!”
“I killed her, and I’d do it again. I’ve killed a lot of people, Tershetta, and I’ll kill more before the stars bring me home.”
We stared at each other, my back stinging as I sat upright. She was so close to me. If I moved my knee, it’d graze her fingers. I thought about it, but she quickly snatched her hand away, twirling the necklace that she never took off.
“You and I both, Altair.”
My breaths were coming heavier, something in my stomach twisting as I waited for her to run. To flinch. To do anything. She didn’t move though.
“Can Death and I stay here?”
An unintentional breath escaped my lips, and I couldn’t help the way my body deflated in relief as I said, “Of course, Little Void.”
Chapter Nine
Nova
“One of the officials made fun of my hair at the shops today. Celeste told me the shaytan was just jealous because I’m beautiful, but I caught her staring in the mirror and trying to flatten her hair after we got home.”
-From the journal of Nova Tershetta, 9243 AS
When I was seven, Mama would chase me around the apothecary, begging me to let her take me home. Celeste liked it there just fine, but she preferred to be home painting or outside with her friends. I wasn’t the same way. Ilovedthe apothecary. It was such a gorgeous shop, and it smelled like herbs and spices andtruepurpose.
I’d sometimes sneak random vials home, experimenting with various ingredients and seeing what would come of it. Even then, I knew I loved alchemy. I’d forage around the school yard after math, spend days in the nearby thin layer of woods, and even steal from vendors at the shops. Mama always caught me, but for some reason no amount of punishment could stop me. I was relentless, even then.
Now, as I stared at my garden outside of Altair’s cottage, the product of said relentlessness, I wondered if I’d doomed us way back then. If I’d always been an omen to my family.
“Silly girl. You’re not a curse. You’re a gift.”
A gift to who? Surely not my dead family.
“Who cares about them? You’re a gift to us, and that’s all that really matters.”
I tried my best to breathe, to ignore them completely, but their laughs had my teeth grinding. I was so sick of hearing them. Of being surrounded by their selfish, heartless monologues. To think I’d worshiped them for so long.
“You still do. You’re just being weak minded right now.”
Shut up already!
“Ungrateful little thing.”
They did silence themselves though, giving me the space I needed to fall to my knees before my garden and release the sobs I’d been holding in. I cried for my family. I wept for the eadi who died in my place. I raged at Talon and Iblis Altair’s survival. Though, in truth, it was me who failed.Theyslaughtered all of the shop owners, butIwas the one who ran.
