***
Celeste and Desi couldn’t come today.
Which was a good thing. I didn’t need them around, anyway. I mean, it wasn’t like we were actually friends. They were just keeping an eye on me. Spying. Making sure I wasn’t doing anything Maitoza wouldn’t approve of.
I shouldn’t even let them inside.
***
Fine, I missed them.
***
Yesterday, Celeste gave me a burner after she noticed how badly I was shaking from the withdrawals, my body desperate for something to ease the pain that came from the absence of liquor. After my first pull of the smoke, I nearly suffocated. She laughed so hard at my crackling wheezes that she almost choked on her spit, so we were even.
I was just glad to get rid of the whiskey. If only to stop reminding me of the life I no longer had. The life stolen from me.
***
I snuck home today. I just needed proof that it was real. That it hadn’t been a figment of my imagination. The worst part? Even though the wards recognized me, it didn’t feel like I belonged there anymore.
Or maybe it never had and I was only just now realizing it.
I found a few notes on my bed and decided at the last minute to take them as I went to leave. Turns out, my friends haven’t forgotten me just yet.
At least I’ll have those to open on my birthday tomorrow.
***
I’m lonely.
***
I was thinking of Tershetta today. Or, well, I was thinking about her most days, but today was specific. I couldn’t stop picturing the way she looked at me on planet nine-three-four. How she’d stared with those wide, honey eyes.
Not that it mattered anymore, but I knew then that I couldn’t kill her.
***
I’ve started going to morning training sessions on the rebel base.
I fucking hated those damn rebels and their ridiculous need to be righteous. If there was one thing I knew without a doubt, it was that we were all heinous creatures. It was why the stars loved us so. None of us were good. In fact, I’d question if we even had souls if it weren’t for the known fact that our souls returned to the sky upon death.
At least I got to watch Celeste struggle through combat practice. She really could use some help.
Maybe I’d offer to spar with her.
***
Desi and Celeste were totally fucking. I couldn’t prove it, but I could tell.
They’re…kind of cute together.
***
Recently, Celeste and Desi have started spending more evenings at my cottage. Desi even fully furnished it over the last fewweeks, making the place much cozier. I decided to cook them dinner tonight all on my own, just to show my thanks.
Celeste said we weren’t friends, but today she gave me a small portrait of myself she’d done while I cooked.
