“They’re both gone now. They’re all gone,” she said.
“I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now.” I kept stroking her back, thinking about families. “Tobias and I only ever had each other. We were put with foster families over and over, but the violence was…” I shook my head. “We were lucky to survive, honestly. We’ve never lost anyone we care about, because it was never safe to care. But I’ve spent the last few years dreading the day I woke up to find Tobias gone, and because of you, I don’t need to worry anymore. He’s right. You are an angel.”
She huffed, shaking her head. “I’m not an angel;. I’m just a girl who lied on her resume.”
“We know. It’s probably what made you so perfect for us. Anyone who was properly qualified would have had us kicked out of the business before we ever played our first gig.”
That got a small smile.
We fell into silence.
“Tell me about these.” She traced her fingers gently along the lines of raised flesh on my wrists.
“It was a long time ago.”
“Please.”
“The last placement Toby and I had before we aged out of the system was the worst we ever lived in. Food was scarce, the wife was an alcoholic, and the husband was fond of taking what wasn’t on offer. He developed an infatuation with Tobias that I couldn’t understand. During the day he would take us on outings, but I was only along for the ride. He was always kind of handsy, so at night I’d make an excuse to swap beds so when he came in the middle of the night…I’ve never regretted keeping Toby from that, but I also couldn’t live with… Anyway, we aged out and left them behind, but the memories were a bitch. It got too much for me, and I looked for a way out.”
I huffed a bitter laugh. “Joke’s on me. Toby found me bleeding out on the ground, and I became his trauma. And around and around we go.”
“I hope he rots in hell,” Tatum muttered. Her fingers continued to trace the scars in a hypnotic rhythm, and it was a surprise to realize I didn’t hate the touch.
“That’s the secret, Princess. This is hell. We’re all just surviving different levels of it.”
Her silence was thoughtful, and I wondered if I shouldn’t feel bad, pissing my pessimism all over her when she’d just lost her dad.
“I think life is what we make it. It’s not inherently good or bad, but the influence of those around us shape our experience. Dad wasn’t bad because he lost a part of himself when Danny disappeared any more than Ruby is good because she’s my ride or die. Although she’s fucking awesome. We make choices based on what we know at that time in our life and have to live with whatever consequences come of them.”
A trolley was rolled past by a harried-looking worker, and the scent of chicken and gravy drifted over us. Tatum’s stomach growled.
“When was the last time you ate?” I asked, taking in the dark circles under her eyes that were more than just the grief of the last hour.
“I don’t remember, but I’m not hungry.” Her stomach growled again, angry at her lie.
“Come on, there’s nothing to do here right now. Let’s get you fed, and then we can ask about whatever paperwork the hospital needs you to sign.”
The surprise on her face told me she hadn’t thought about logistics. It confirmed I’d made the right decision to leave after our last show. Could I have waited for the others? Yes, technically, but then I wouldn’t have been here when she needed me most.
We wandered out of the ward and into the stairwell to the left of the elevators.
“Then we can talk about returning to the tour.”
“I don’t think I can go back.”
“Bullshit.” Okay, maybe I could have been a bit nicer, but what was she planning to do? Mope around here without an income?
No.
She belonged with us, and I was going to make sure she knew it.
“I’m redeeming your IOU.”
She paused on the step below me, turning slowly with an incredulous look on her face.
“I’m not going to let you bully me with a shitty piece of cardboard, Calix.”
“It’s not a shitty piece of cardboard; it’s a binding contract for one future favor. I’ve decided I’m redeeming it, so you have to come back on tour.”
