I watch Carl wheel his father away, and when I look back, Emmett’s wearing a resolved look that breaks my heart.
“What the hell, Emmett?” I pinch the bridge of my nose. I’m equal parts frustrated and sad.
His brows lift.
I’m pushing back for once. I’m not just going to take the path of least resistance because it’s the neatest way through. I don’t care if the staff can see us through the window or that Carl picked up on the tension. This is too important.
“I want to be here for you. If I call in or drive back after my shift, that gets to be my choice.”
“Aspen—”
“No.”
His mouth closes.
“I know you’re hurting, and I know today has been awful, but you don’t get to protect me by deciding what I can handle.”
His jaw flexes. “That’s not what I’m doing.”
“Isn’t it?”
“You barely slept last night. You’re rearranging your life and bartering to pick up more hours than you already work to try to take care of me, my grandmother—everyone but yourself.”
“Again, not your decision.”
“I can’t watch you disappear for me. And what’s more, why would you want to?”
“Because I love you. God, how do you not get that?”
As soon as I say it, I feel lighter. It’s the truth, and I can’t take it back.
Emmett just freezes. And as clear as I see it, I can also see the problem with it. Love scares the shit out of Emmett. He won’t say it back but not because he doesn’t feel it.
“Everyone I love gets hurt.”
“Emmett—”
“My parents were absent before they died. I lost Rory—my grandfather. My grandmother spent her entire life taking care of everyone and now she doesn’t even know where she is half the time, and I’m going to lose her too.”
“Those things aren’t your fault.”
“I know.” He drops his head and I hold my breath. When he slowly lifts his gaze back to me, my heart cracks wide. “You taught me that.”
That’s somehow so much worse. Because he’s changed—I’ve seen that. He’s been lighter, allowing people in.
“But I can't stop it.” His voice breaks. “And I can’t wait for the world to take you too.”
“I’m standing right here, asking to stay.” I let a long breath out, and with it, a hot tear escapes. “You don’t get to mourn losing me before you’ve even let yourself have me.”
His gaze flips back and forth over my face. I can tell he’s at war with himself.
“I love you, and I’m not taking it back because you’re scared. But you have to decide, because being so afraid of losing me that you never let yourself have me? That’s still losing me.”
I step forward and push onto my toes. My fingers brush his arm one last time before I kiss his cheek.
And then I turn and leave.
CHAPTER
