Chapter 16
Last first kiss
Present
Nothing comes out when I open my mouth to speak—the words stick in my throat, which is bone dry from the adrenaline and nerves. My hand wraps around the icy glass, bringing to my lips. It’s a stall tactic as much as it’s a necessity as Cruz’s words bounce around my head. They hit their target dead center. Whether we’ve admitted what we both feel, and said the words out loud or not doesn’t really matter because everything has already changed. He’s no longer just my best friend, that was true as soon as I admitted my feelings to myself.
It was easier to ignore when I was with Brad and in the aftermath when I was healing. I tried to bury it, scared of how deeply I was beginning to feel that tug towards something more with him—but now it’s undeniable. I’m still afraid. Fucking terrified, actually, but I can’t keep ignoring it. The need to know what we could be outweighs my fears.
Cruz sits next to me on the couch with his large frame turned toward me. God, he looks good. I love how he looms over me. I’m tiny, but there’s something about knowing he can wrap me in his embrace that really gets me going. His half-lidded, chocolate eyes rake over me as he waits for me to continue. Having his attention focused on me tonight feels raw, like we have stripped away the protection our friendship offered us and now everything is exposed.
“I’ve felt it for a long time, too. It scares me.” I search his face for a reaction before I continue. “Terrifies me, actually. I don’t want to—No, Ican’tlose you. What if we try this, and it doesn’t work?” My voice cracks, and my throat burns as it tightens with emotion.
Cruz’s hand comes to my cheek. He sweeps the rough pad of his thumb over the apple of my cheek. “Delilah, I will never let that happen.” His voice is staunch with conviction, but he continues to stroke my cheek, softening the delivery. “I can’t lose you either. But what if we do this, and it works? What if it’s the best thing we’ve ever done?”
His thumb sweeps across my face again. This time catching a tear that I hadn’t even realized had fallen. “How can you promise me that? Neither of us knows what the future holds. Even if we both have the best intentions, things can go wrong.”
I don’t need to tell him where my head goes. Cruz knows exactly how badly Brad hurt me. He was there, picking up all the pieces and helping me put my life back together.
“You’re right, life is unpredictable. Things can change in an instant. But I will never hurt you the way he did. If this doesn’t work out, I will still be in your life. I can’t give you up. If that means we go back to being friends, I’ll do that.” He looks almost as fiercely determined as he does when he steps up to the plate.
There’s no doubt he believes every word. In my soul, I know he would never intentionally hurt me and that he would try to salvage our friendship. But does he understand how much that is asking of both of us?
“What is this, Cruz? We keep dancing around it, but I need to know we are on the same page.”
“I’ve wanted you for so long, maybe even since that first night when we met. But I wasn’t in a place to pursue anything, and there was Brad.” His name rolls off his tongue, dripping with disdain. “Regardless, even then, I thought you were beautiful.”
“You called me,Hermosa.”
“You remember?” His dimples pop like they did that first night. I thought he was cute then. But now that I know him, cute doesn’t even begin to cover my attraction toward Cruz.
“I came home and googled it. I had to know what it meant. It was the first time I googled something in Spanish.” I leave the rest unsaid. It’s not the only thing he’s said that I’ve translated. Slowly, over the course of the last few years I’ve picked up several phrases from him. Earlier this year I downloaded an app and started learning Spanish. When I’m baking in the morning I use my earbuds to practice it, conversationally. He has no idea and it’s not something I’m ready to share just yet. “You say you want me. What does that even mean? Dom said—”
“Dom’s an idiot. He has no idea what he’s talking about. There hasn’t been anyone in a long time.”
“What do you mean there hasn’t been anyone?”
“I think you know what I mean.”
“I’m not willing to make any assumptions where this is concerned.” I wave my hand between us as my heart gallops in my chest at the meaning behind what he’s suggesting.
“There hasn’t been anyone else I wanted. For the last two years you’re the only person I’ve shown any kind of affection. I haven’t wanted anyone else since I realized that my feelings for you are more than just physical attraction, and are anything but friendly.”
“No one? Not even a hook up on the road. Because you want me?” I repeat, trying to wrap my head around the implications of what he just said. Cruz scoots in closer before he grabs my legs and pulls them over his lap. His arm comes around my shoulder.
“No one else. If I wasn’t clear enough, I want to date you, andonlyyou. If you let me, I’ll make you mine in every sense of the word, Mi Cielo.”
“Mi Cielo. That means my heaven. I heard it someplace the other day and looked . . .” A sense of déjà vu overtakes me. Visions from my dream infiltrate my subconscious. Cruz’s eyes go wide. “You’ve never called me that, have you?”
“Where did you hear it?”
“You first. Have you called me that before?” I’m not sure why I’m pushing it. It’s silly, but I feel like I have heard it somewhere other than my dream.
“Movie night with Poppy and Hen when you fell asleep in my bed. I whispered it in your ear.”
My cheeks heat, and I know I’m caught when Cruz’s lips tilt up in a sly smirk. I shake my head. “That’s not the first place I heard it. You said it to me in a dream the night before movie night.”
Why did I admit that to him? Way to jump the gun. Your best friend admits he wants to date you, and you up the ante with a sex dream confession.
