Her eyes cut toward Stephanie. “And you, stop all that whining. You’re not at a repast.”
“Yes, Ms. Spencer,” Stephanie says.
“Get inside soon. Ain’t nothing out here this time of night but poor decisions, STIs, and bullets.”
“Yes, ma’am,” we say before her window closes.
I collapse onto the roof and sigh.
Ms. Spencer and Mama Vee were the authorities on our block. Love and a warm meal were available to anyone who needed them, but those two weren’t for the bullshit. Ms. Spencer still isn’t and will put the fear of God and act right in you.
I’m marching my ass right into the house... After I finish this blunt.
I exhale smoke through my nose. The gray cloud reaches up to grab the stars. The temperature has cooled since the movie ended hours ago.
“Something is calling me,” I say into the night. “I can’t explain it, but there’s this urge to go.”
Stephanie reaches for the blunt. “And this urge says to go to Italy? Who am I going to steal clothes from if you’re not here?” She motions toward the sleeveless tank and stretchy waist shorts set she’d taken from my drawer.
“Yourself!” I cackle. “I haven’t been living, Steph. Just going through the motions.”
“Now you’re ready for big fun with The Wretched, huh? I’ve been trying to get you to go on vacation, and all it takes is one movie about Tuscan sun?” Her inhale is sharp. She closes her eyes and pulls on the blunt. “When are you leaving?”
Stephanie and I have known each other since we met during timeout in Ms. Spencer’s Sunday school class when we were six. She lived with her aunt in McElderry Park, minutes from my house in Patterson Park.
There were lots of sleepovers in my house that turned into bunk beds in the eighth grade, and Steph living with us when her aunt moved away for a man. Mama Vee always considered her family. That’s my sister, the best friend I keep bail money in my bra for just in case.
We did everything together.
Fighting whoever needed a reminder that we’re cute but still throw hands.
Basement parties.
Poly-City games.
Sneaking off to NYC for the day on a Chinatown bus in the summer.
College was the first time we went our separate ways. Steph got her nursing degree and hops from place to place as a travel nurse. I went off to Jersey on a full scholarship for human resources. We support each other’s moves, even when we don’t like them.
“I’m leaving in a week, maybe two,” I say to Steph’s frown.
Silence.
“For at least a month.”
“Bianca!” Stephanie whisper-shouts, not to summon Ms. Spencer again.
I snatch the blunt back to ash it. “You’re really fucking up my high. I’m taking time for myself before I start a consulting business. Lots of companies need outsourced human resources support. I can work on my terms, with the clients I choose.
“I want an adventure, and I don’t want to wait until I’m fifty to have one. I’ve worked thirteen-hour days, five days a week, and I need a reset. My fortieth birthday is in less than two months. I want to travel with the wind in my braids. Because you know I’m not fighting with my hair overseas.”
“Hello!” Stephanie high-fives me.
The bass from Rod Lee’s “Dance My Pain Away” echoes down the street in the distance. Growing up, the roof was my place to dream. The few times I’ve been home since Mama Vee’s cancer battle ended, I come here. To remember.
My voice trembles. “Mama Vee wanted to go to Italy. She always worked to take care of us and never left the city. I want to go for her.”
Coming home wasn’t easy. The two-bedroom row house she left is rich in memories but still empty without her. Every milestone since she adopted me when I was a baby remains trapped.
