“Of course not. I know it was her idea. By the way, M’alex says to tell you that you are a warrior—he has never felt such pain,” he added. “We’re both a little in awe of you now.”
“The pain is only that bad on the first day,” I told him. “After that, it’s mostly the, uh, bleeding I have to deal with.” I grimaced, thinking of the sheets and mattress I had most likely completely ruined by now. I was sticky and wet between my thighs and also utterly miserable.
“If the willow bark tea doesn’t help, I can get you a heated water bottle,” Ryse offered. “As for the blood, I’m sure we can wash the sheets out in the sink.”
“It’s not just the sheets,” I said in a low voice. “I need…something to wear while I’m bleeding. Something that won’t show.”
Ryse frowned thoughtfully.
“We’ll work something out,” he said at last. “For now, I just want you to feel better.”
“So…you’re not mad at me? For lying to you for so long?” I asked hesitantly.
His frown deepened.
“Oh, I’m angry with you all right. But I care about you more than I’m mad at you, if that makes sense.” One corner of his mouth quirked up. “Also, I’m pretty fucking relieved that I’m not in love with another man.”
My heart fluttered. Had he really just said he was in love with me?
“So…you’re not going to tell the Head Master and get me kicked out of the Academy?” I dared to ask.
“Get you kicked out? And lose you?” he exclaimed incredulously. “Are you out of your mind?”
“I thought I was earlier, when I showed you the truth,” I admitted. “But maybe I should have done it earlier.”
“I was hoping you would,” he said quietly. “It’s all right though—I’m glad to know for sure. Come on—let’s get you cleaned up.”
“No, please—I can do it myself,” I begged, horribly embarrassed at the bloody mess I’d made.
But Ryse refused to let me do anything but sit in the warm bath he’d drawn in his small, private tub. It was one of the perks of being a Wing Leader, though we normally didn’t use it since going to bathing hour at the Cooking-pot every night was mandatory.
As I sat in the warm water, which soothed my cramps, he washed the sheets and bedding in cold water in the sink and spread them out to dry. The mattress had suffered too, but not as badly as I’d feared. Ryse cleaned it as well as he could and then flipped it over.
“No one will ever know,” he told me when I expressed concern that someone might see. “It’s completely hidden, little one.”
I liked that he was calling me “little one” again and I was grateful for his help, though still embarrassed. When I told him so, he only shrugged.
“Why be embarrassed? It’s a normal bodily function.”
“Not around here,” I pointed out.
Ryse frowned.
“Maybe that needs to change. Why have we gone so many years without female riders when it’s clear that Golden Queens like L’eesha only bond with women?”
I shook my head.
“I don’t know.”
“Why did we stop valuing the golden eggs and finding female candidates to Impress them?” He went on. “Somewhere in the last one hundred years or so, the Academy forgot a very important part of its past.”
“How?” I asked as he helped me dry off and get into bed. He had gotten several more towels from the Commissary by saying that his had gotten lost and he laid them on the bed for me in case I bled more—which I was sure I would.
Ryse shook his head as he tucked me in with a hot water bottle to press to my aching abdomen.
“I don’t know—maybe a lot of records were lost in the fire I told you about. I’ve been trying to translate the really old book written in the Root Tongue, but it’s slow going.”
“Mmm,” I said, which was more of a yawn than an answer. Now that I was no longer in so much pain and I knew Ryse would keep my secret, I felt incredibly relaxed. So much so, that I was feeling sleepy.
