“You look hot,” I told him.
“I look like I’m a teenager.”
“You look like someone who is about to get his guts rearranged,” Blue said, earning a laugh from Ash. “I mean, look at him, Jax. He’s all wide-eyed and quivering. Sexy as hell, if you ask me.” Blue reached past Asher and held his hand out for the bottle of wine. I took a sip before passing it to him.
And maybe it was my imagination, but Blue seemed to hold my gaze during the interaction. His fingers brushed against mine when they didn’t have to, and there was fire there. Sparks. Chemistry that I couldn’t deny even if I wanted to.
But I wasn’t the one who denied myself things the way Blue did. The vision of him watching Asher and me together wouldn’t leave me. I’d been watched before, but there had been something extra enticing about having Blue’s eyes on me as Asher and I chased our pleasure.
“Holy shit, the two of you are so blazing you’re going to melt the TV.” Asher leaned forward so he could get a better look, probably, and Blue and I glanced at each other behind his back.
The connection between us was still there, thrumming like it was a living thing. Pulsing like a heartbeat. It grew bigger every time I saw him, and now it was this unignorable thing between us, taking up all the oxygen in the room.
“Fuck me,” Asher exhaled as he squirmed in his seat. “How are we supposed to watch this without having a repeat performance?”
“Who says we can’t?” It wasn’t really a question. It was more of an offer. I looked over at Blue, knowing that I’d give anything to get closer to him but unwilling to push his boundaries. “If Blue wants to watch again, I wouldn’t be opposed. Or if hewanted to join, we could film it for bonus content for Lukas or for our own sites. That way his rules stay unbroken.”
Blue snapped his mouth shut, then took a sip of wine. He tried to offer it to Asher again, but Asher passed. Which left Blue having to look at me as he passed the bottle back to me.
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want, Blue,” I reassured him as I plucked the bottle out of his hand, my gaze unwavering. My eyes pleading with him to want me.
SEVENTEEN
BLUE
Fuck my entire life.How was I going to watch this go down between them and keep my hands to myself? Jax took the wine from me, his gaze not wavering even the smallest amount. Asher sat between us, as still as a statue as he waited for me to make a choice.
There wasn’t any real choice, though, was there? My options were limited. Leaving was out of the question, but I had rules to maintain. Rules that kept my stupid heart safe because it tried to give itself away before. Too many times. To all the wrong people.
But Jax and Asher were safe choices. They weren’t asking me to break my rules. All they wanted was my attention, and that I could easily give them. I’d watched myself perform before, but the scene with the three of us was unlike anything I’d ever seen before. The chemistry between us practically set the screen on fire.
Jax took a long sip of the wine and handed it back to me, then held my stare for as long as possible while he moved to kissAsher. Jax was no longer willing to wait for my answer before he began.
And what was my answer?
“Wait,” I said just as Jax’s mouth slanted over Asher’s. Jax stilled and Asher let out a cute little grumble in protest. My heart beat so hard I could feel my pulse in my throat. Equal parts fear and excitement coursed through me. Was I really going to do this?
“Blue?” Jax questioned.
“Do you have a tripod and a ring light?” If we were filming, it was allowed. If we were filming, it was work and work was safe. As long as the cameras were rolling, I was allowed to want. To touch. To taste. To chase that pleasure and that closeness that I didn’t otherwise allow myself to have.
Asher jumped up off the couch like his ass was on fire. “Pause that.” He pointed to the screen before he disappeared into his room. He was only gone for a few seconds before he came out with the necessary equipment. He set the tripod and the ring light up and then pulled a bottle of lube out of his pocket and set it on the coffee table.
“I, ah—I haven’t been with anyone else since the shoot. Or like… since forever if you want to get technical about it. So if we’re still on the same page that way, we could go without the condoms still.”
Jax reached for Asher and tugged him down onto his lap. The way Jax looked at him made my breath get caught in my chest. Jax’s affection for Asher shone out of his eyes for anyone to see. Asher melted into his arms like he belonged there, and maybe he did. And maybe there wasn’t room for me, but a glance at the TV where our scene was paused proved otherwise. We were tangled together, Asher between us. There was a place for me before, and there was a place for me now. All I had to do was take it.
I pressed play on the remote and then went and made sure the tripod and camera were at a good angle to pick up the action currently happening on the couch. Asher and Jax had resumed their kiss. A slow dance of tongues and tentative touches stoked the fire in my belly. That fire was always there when Jax was around. He’d always been one of those people who just did it for me. His easy confidence. His stupid basketball shorts. Everything about him just checked all my boxes.
Jax’s hand sank into Asher’s hair, and he pulled his head back and to the side so he could dive into the curve of Asher’s neck with his mouth and lick a hot, wet trail up his throat. Asher whined and writhed on Jax’s lap. Some of the sadness that had pinched Asher’s features had been washed away and if I had it my way, he’d never be sad about anything, ever again.
But that wasn’t how the world worked. Bad things happened. People got sad. Life was life. Good one moment but cruel in the next. As quick as blinking. I tried to remind myself, even as I gravitated toward them, that everything was temporary. Life. Love. Pain. Happiness. Joy. Hurt. All of it was fleeting and that I shouldn’t count on getting to keep anything. That didn’t stop me from wanting. It didn’t stop me from grabbing the back of my shirt and pulling it off over my head.
Asher practically jumped me, he was in my arms so fast, his tongue down my throat, his hands scrabbling at my bare skin. When he managed to get me closer, I realized that he was still sitting on Jax’s lap.
I pulled back, needing a breath, but Jax quickly reeled me in. His hand cupped the side of my face, and he pulled me to him, heat simmering in his gaze.
“Was that a yes?” Jax asked. “Because it looked like a yes, but I’d like to hear you say the words, Blue.”
