As soon as I realized he was bracing himself for pain, all the anger in me deflated. Forget about everything else. I had a strong urge to comfort Dagon. The other emotions were still there, but worry rose to the front. Before I could reassure him, he looked me in the eyes.
“I was in love with you.” My heart stopped. “Iamin love with you. That’s why I pulled away. That’s why I kept my distance.”
“Y-you…” my words trailed off.
Dagon was in love with me?
He laughed bitterly and shook his head.
“It wasn’t love at first sight. Hell, I’m not sure when exactly I fell in love. Initially, I thought we were just like the others, but day by day, night by night, slowly, you crept into my heart.Definitelynot in the way a brother is supposed to be.”
“Dagon.” Fuck, I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t speak.
“I won’t deny it. When I saw you in that hospital bed and realized you were…” he faltered on his words and shook hishead. “I knew you were the one. I knew it. But I also knew I couldn’t have you. I could never have you.”
“Why?” The question was a breathless whisper, but he heard me.
“Because you needed a family. I couldn’t be both your brother and your boyfriend.”
Time seemed to stop around us.
Dagon was in love with me? Dagon loved me?
All this time, I thought he hated me, but it was the opposite.Wait. Something he said didn’t make sense.
“If you realized your feelings for me in the hospital, why did you stay and care for me? You said that’s when you decided to pull away. You disappeared a week later, but before that, you were glued to my side like never before.”
He said that was when he knew I was the one. I'd lie if I said my heart didn’t skip a beat. That’s why I was surprised my brain caught on to the realization that something didn’t fit.
The panic in his eyes told me enough. I was right. There was more.
“I need to know, Dagon. I want to understand.”
I freaking wanted to tell him how I felt, but first, I needed to know everything. We’d spent years apart because of reasons I never understood. The space between us was too large for me to bridge alone. I couldn’t reach him behind his walls. Dagon had to choose to lower them and step outside, and I needed to do the same. We needed to meet halfway on this path.
His brows furrowed like he was in physical pain. Reaching hesitantly, I took his hand. He stared at our joined hands for a long moment. I didn’t push. If he needed time, I’d give it to him now that I knew how he felt.
“Our father.”
“What?”
My mind went blank. What did King have to do with us?
“King. He saw the way I looked at you in the hospital. We both know he has a way of seeing through all of us. I guess I couldn’t hide my feelings.”
“What does our dad have to do with you walking away?”
Please tell me he didn’t do anything. Please tell me he didn’t take you away from me.
“He didn’t confront me directly. But he pulled me outside one night when you were sleeping. I knew that he knew. He told me you needed a family, that I’m your big brother, that I had a bigger responsibility. He said he understood we were young. He wanted me to know he’d always be there for us. I want you to know that I may have pulled away anyway. I don’t know what I would have done had King not spoken with me.” He looked away and added, “Maybe I would have thought you needed a family too.”
I needed a family? Of course, I needed a family, but I had a family back then! What does this have to do with us? For fucks sake, we’re not blood-related brothers. I could understand how strange and uncomfortable it may have been for our father. I get it. But didn’t he stop to think that saying this to Dagon would hurt him? It pushed him away from me and all of us in subtle ways that I noticed through the years.
Still, my mouth didn’t form words. I couldn’t speak. Dagon held my hand painfully, but I didn’t move away. I needed the touch as much as he did. Honestly, I wasn’t sure who was holding who.
“Of course, there was abutto the always." Dagon continued. "King went into one of those adult talks about love, sexual attraction, stormy hormones, and how sometimes we make the mistakes of our lives because of it.” Taking a deep breath, he braced for something, and I dreaded what he’d say next. “He told me not to take away the family connection and replace it with a short-lived infatuation born from hormonal curiosity that wouldend as a mistake. So I made a promise to him to stay away from you.”
One sentence.
