“Yes, yes, I know, but his birthday is after yours. Thus, you’re the bigger brother.” Wild looked at me, and if I didn’t know better, I would’ve thought he was screaming for help. “We’re going. See you later, bro.”
Bren had other plans because he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and leaned into me. Luckily, I was as fit as he was, or I would have fallen with how he was leaning most of his weight onto me. He started blabbering before I could ask what he was doing, and I had trouble catching his words.
“Our dad is calling a meeting tomorrow, and everyone is forced to sleep here tonight. So, I was thinking, let’s do a game night?” He started bouncing in one place. “What would you say? It has been so long since we’ve done it. No, yes? You know it’s a yes. We’re doing it.”
I chuckled at his one-sided decision, but the smile quickly faded from my face. Before, we used to have a game night once a month. All of us would gather in the house, have fun, sometimes drink, and other times fight. I missed those times.
As we grew up, we drifted apart. One of us was always busy that day and missed our plans. First, it was Dagon. Gradually, hestopped coming, and I couldn’t deny I felt his absence, even if all he did was glare at me. Andras showed up on and off. Because of his work, Wild couldn’t come every time, either. That left Bren, Luc, and me. Mostly, it was only Bren and me, though. Luc refused to join if there were only three of us. That could be one of the reasons Bren and I became so close.
Glancing at Bren and seeing the hope in his eyes that we could have this again tonight, I smiled and agreed. “Yeah, let’s do this. It’s not like anyone can dodge if we all sleep under the same roof.”
Wilder chuckled, but Bren and I didn’t. Maybe because we knew what it was like to wait for all of them. Only Bren, Luc, and I lived in our father’s house. Everyone else had their own place.
“Hey, you okay?” I asked Bren.
“I’m fine, don’t worry.”
“Let’s go! We have things to do.” Wild ushered Bren, and they left without saying another word.
I smiled to myself because fuck if I didn’t miss these times too. But then my mind went to why they were all staying home. Trying not to panic again or spiral into worst-case scenarios, I went straight to my car. I didn’t have time to grab a cab, but I also didn’t want to drive. Shit.
I hated driving. I usually had Bren drop me off at my classes. The idea of driving sent cold shivers down my spine. I used to panic and thought I would hit someone or cause an accident. Worse, sometimes I felt like I wanted to hit someone or jerk the wheel and hit a tree. Honestly, I still felt this way. There was also this one time when I was sure I’d hit a dog, so I had to go back there and circle several times to realize that, in fact, I didn’t.
“Hey, Di. Is everything alright?” Wild’s voice broke through the memories. He was standing next to his car.
“Do you mind driving me to class?” I blurted out.
“Not at all. Get in.” I sighed with relief. I knew I could always count on Wild.
Bren played his favorite music and kept talking about tonight. It distracted me a bit, but I knew it would be a long, long day.
***
When Wild parked the car, I looked around the parking lot. Students were frantically heading to the main building. It was chaos. This was the reason I hated going to classes so much. Crowds, me, and anxiety didn’t mesh well. Never had, and I doubted they ever would.
Grabbing my backpack, I said goodbye to my brothers and joined the never-ending jumble of students. I played with my ring, twisting it left and right, counting four times. It was supposed to help me. It wasfuckingsupposed to, but it only made things worse.
My brain scrambled in a poor attempt to alleviate the crushing weight of my thoughts. I stared at the ground and chose where to step while trying my hardest not to draw attention.
While I was consumed with thoughts about my family and distracted by my compulsions, Thaddeus popped up beside me, pulling me out of my head.
“What’s up?” Thaddeus, or as I call him, Tadeo, wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “Why are you looking like someone pissed in your coffee?”
“First, because I don’t have time to grab coffee. Second, because it’s Friday. Third, family drama, do not ask me.” The words came out harsher than I intended. I took a deep breath and apologized, “Sorry.”
“No need.” His expression turned serious, and I started feeling awkward. Luckily for me, he removed his arm from myshoulders. “What family drama? Is one of your dick brothers saying shit or bothering you?”
“You know very well that the only asshole of a brother I have is Dagon. But no, it’s not that. It doesn’t matter.”
We kept walking toward the main door of our building in silence. Tadeo gave me a look that said,"I don’t believe you, but I won’t bother you for now."He was a good friend, but it didn’t change some facts. I didn’t feel comfortable sharing some parts of my life.
My walls were high. They always were. It was safer this way.
“Why are you sulking because it’s Friday? We should celebrate. It’s the end of this week’s torture.” He pointed at me and said, “And most importantly, we have only two classes today.”
“Because one class is Psychoanalytic Approaches to Literature, and the other is Mythology with Professor Rayson,” I groaned. “God, I hate the Mythology lectures.”
We were majoring in Literature, and I loved it, but these two classes were tough.
