“That was different.”
“Yeah,” he patted my chest.
He proceeded to replay his conversation with Lucifer. I was shocked when I heard I was meant to serve in Lucifer’s inner circle. Why did he let me go? He could have easily tracked me down and brought me back to Hell. I left aside this question without an answer when Di told me what Lucifer made him do. By the second, my blood got hotter and hotter. He made him kneel? He said his soul belonged to him!?
“No one! Your soul belongs to no one else besides you… and me!” I gritted through clenched teeth.
"And you…" my throat closed. "You went to him. You texted King. You figured this out alone. You walked into a fucking blood ritual and pledged your soul to the King of Hell, and the only person you told was Lucifer himself. Not me. Not me."
Di went very still.
"Dagon…"
"I don't…" I tried to find the right words. None of them existed. "I'm not angry at you. I just, Di, I would have gone with you. I would have stood next to you in front of him. I would have made the deal with you instead of you alone. You think I would have let you kneel by yourself? You think I would have let him put anything over you that he didn't put over me first?"
"I know," Di whispered. "I know, my love. That's exactly why I didn't tell you."
My chest cracked open again.
He saw it. He reached up and cradled my face in both hands, the hand with the arrow against my jaw, the hand without it against my cheek.
"If I'd told you," he said softly "you would have tried to do it instead of me somehow. You would have offered yourself first. And the bow is connected to me. Not you. There was no version where you took my place. There was only the version where you came with me and got hurt trying to stop something neither of us could stop. I made the choice alone because only I could make it. Not because I didn't trust you with it. Because I love you too much to let you stand in front of it."
I closed my eyes.
I couldn't argue with that. I hated that I couldn't argue with that. He was right. He had done the only thing that kept us both alive.
It still hurt. It would keep hurting for a while.
But he was right.
“Calm down. I was thinking about it while I waited for you to wake up. I suspect Lucifer meant it in the same way his demons belong to him. Correct me if I’m wrong, but he sees them as possessions, objects that belong to him?”
I gave myself a second before answering, “Yes. It’s no secret Lucifer can control all of us with a snap of his mood and powers.”
“I think it’s the same. Besides, the object may be bound to me, but it still belongs to Lucifer. His command would overrule mine.”
“The archer?” I remembered the white grandpa saying that.
“It’s what Lucifer called me, or well, it’s what he called the bow and arrow I think, I'm not sure. I have a feeling Lucifer named his objects,” Di chuckled. I wasn’t finding anything funny in the situation. “Dagon, it’s okay. I made my choice.”
“Why? Why did you choose this? You could have easily chosen-” He interrupted me with a kiss.
Everything else faded as his taste surrounded me.
When our lips parted, his gaze was steady and clear. “I knew this was the right choice. Part of the reason was that I would become a demon when we bond. Another part of the reason was that I always felt more comfortable with the darkness. It’s where I grew up. It’s where I lived most of my life.”
“But you had the chance to choose something different.”
“I had, yes, but I made my choice.”
He was silently asking me to respect his choice, respect him, and have faith that he knew what he was doing. I didn’t want to question him, to undermine his decision. Still, I couldn’t help but feel I was the reason for all of this. I couldn’t help but fear what Lucifer may force him to do and how it may change him.
Sensing my turmoil, Di spoke softly. “For most of my life, I was scared of the darkness. But recently I've realized the darkness isn't innately bad. It’s what we do with it that matters. Besides, I have you with me. Together. We’ll stand together.”
“You’ll never again be alone. I’m here, and I’ll always be,“ I promised him.
Staring at my eyes intently, it felt like he was looking into the depths of my soul as he said, “You’re my brightest shining star, Dagon. As long as I have you, the darkness doesn’t scare me. As long as I have you, I can be surrounded by a void of nightmares and demons, but you will shine brightly and remind me that there’s light in the darkness.”
