“I need to say it,” he murmured. “I fucked up. I know I did. I was so messed up back then that I couldn’t tell my ass from my elbow. I have all these ugly memories eating at me that I have tried to embrace just to make the pain stop. I have thrown myself into my work, my-my son, my life, just to make it a distant memory, but that sort of nightmare never leaves, despite the years. But I’m stronger now. Back then… I couldn’t. I couldn’t even touch you, and it was all killing me because you were all I wanted, but I knew what I’d done. That I-I’d fucked that bitch. Made a baby with her. It devastated me. Not just because shestole from me, but because I replay the look on your face when I told you that I never wanted kids. I feel guilty because I have a son with someone else when I wouldn’t have a child with you.” He paused and breathed out. “I am not the weak guy I was. I don’t want you to think I am. That Ethan died in the underground.”
“Ethan—”
“I’m not done,” he said, a slight bite to his voice that made my breath catch. “Then there’s this Fox thing. I listened to him scream, Rosalie. I was there when he was raped the first time. We held one another through some of our darkest moments. I know you don’t owe me shit, and it wasn’t your secret to tell, but it fucking guts me because for five years I ached for him. I missed him. I didn’t get to tell him I loved him and missed him or anything. He was holding me and telling me to go to my happy place, and then the next thing I knew, I was sitting at his funeral. It fucked me up, Rosalie. It did, and I’m goddamn angry. I’m pissed. I-I want to hit things. I want to punch him in the face, but he went off and got jacked, so he’d probably just kick my ass.” He shook his head. “I’m not happy and feel betrayed. Add to it that Cole and Enzo don’t know. And Enzo… Rosalie, he hates himself and has begged to die so many fucking times over the years just so he could go to Fox and apologize for everything. This entire thing is fucked, and I don’t know if it can ever be fixed. I don’t mind that you walked out on us. I don’t. We deserved it. It hurt, but it was deserved. But now here we are, and I don’t know what the fuck to do or what to feel.” He let out a breath and went quiet.
“I’m sorry,” I finally said.
He grunted.
“I don’t know where to go from here or what to do either.”
“I know.” He looked at me. “I say you need to decide what you’re going to do about Cole. If you guys don’t plan on coming clean about Fox, then just fucking let Cole go. Break it off onceand for all with him. He doesn’t deserve this shit. He’s a psycho, but that man loves you more than life itself. And his daughter?” He scoffed. “He would burn the world to the ground for that little girl, and you damn well know it. So if you’re done, leave.”
I swallowed, my throat tight.
“Get the fuck out of my city,” he whispered. “And don’t come back.” His bottom lip wobbled as he stared at me. “If you’re not going to be honest, then go. I will be giving Fox and your guys the same message before I leave here today. I will pick up the pieces after you’re gone. I will take care of the guys. Just make up your mind on Cole.” He got to his feet.
“What about you?” I asked, standing.
He laughed softly. “What about me, Rosalie?”
“I-I thought…”
“What?”
“That we… I mean, us…”
“You need to get yourself sorted before you worry about me,” he said, stepping into my space. “I want you, Rosalie. I won’t deny it, but I have a son. He is my priority. I have vowed to give him a good life so he doesn’t turn out like his piece of shit mother. For now, I will be your friend. I’d like to start there before I get tangled in more. I realized that while I sat in my cozy little room in the underground. I saw you again, and I became just as consumed as I had been before. But I know what life is like without you now, and I know I can survive, so if you want to walk, I’ll be OK.”
“And if I want to stay?”
He reached out and cradled my face. “It’s complicated, sweetheart. I don’t know that I can ever get past having Laz and you having to see us daily. I don’t want to put you through that.”
“I wouldn’t hate it, Ethan. I-I wouldn’t?—”
“I would. I would hate for you to ever question yourself. Me. Anything. For now, I am your friend. I will always be your friend,but I need to be a friend who has distance. You always had a way of fucking my head up. I think tackling one problem at a time is the way to go. Fox. Cole. All of it needs to be handled before you even look in my direction.” He swiped a tear off my cheek gently with his thumb. “Please call Dante and let my brothers go. You can stay. You can leave. But please, Rosalie, let them go. We’ve all been hurt, and there’s more hurt to come. Let’s just get it over with, OK?”
I nodded, the tears falling harder now.
He pulled me against him and hugged me tightly.
“For what it’s worth, you are everything to me, and you always will be. I do love you. I will always love you. But right now, our paths have diverged. Perhaps they’ll come back together later, but if they do, everything has to be out on the table. No secrets. No lies. Once that’s sorted…” His voice trailed off as I clung to him.
“What?” I choked out.
“Then I am going to put my ring on your finger just like everyone else has,” he whispered, his voice shaking. “And then I’m going to put my baby in your belly. You will be mine, and there won’t be a force in this world that will ever take you from me. So know that before you tell me yes, sweetheart. I am not the scared boy you once knew. I am a man who wants to reintroduce myself to you. I’m a little rougher now and not so soft. I need to make sure you can handle me. I won’t let you go once you’re mine. Understand?”
I nodded against him, but he pulled away and tilted my chin up so I was staring up at him.
“Tell me.”
“I understand,” I whispered.
“Good.” He leaned in and kissed my forehead gently before wiping my tears once more and backing away. “I need to talk to Fox—I mean Evan. I’ll see you soon, OK?”
I nodded, my chest tight.
“Call Dante. Please, Rosalie. I miss my brothers. If you leave, be gone before Cole gets out. I have a feeling he will be paying you a visit if you stay here, so if you’re not ready, just… go.”
