“I want you, Cora, more than anything, but I won’t touch you again unless you really want it too, not because you feel guilty or because you believe that you owe me something. I will not take you under these circumstances. I don’t want a tumble in exchange for my help.” He paused and stared at her. “You owe me nothing.”
She shivered with the intensity of his determination. “I really want this, Ethan. With you. Only you.”
He cupped her face and caressed her jaw. “When I told you to use me, I meant it. It would be all right if you used me for a tumble and nothing else. I won’t complain if you use me for the pleasure you need. But I do not want or accept any payment from you in any form. I don’t want you to feel obliged to kiss me. I won’t accept it. I don’t want you to have a tumble with me so that you can ease your guilt.” He dressed her, focusing on the buttons and avoiding her gaze. “You owe me nothing. I hope I’ve made myself clear.” He kissed her hand before releasing her. He walked backwards to the door and opened it, his stare never leaving her. “If it’s a payment, it’s not enjoyable.” He shut the door behind him before she could say anything.
She remained sitting on the desk, her chest empty. There was some truth in his accusations because the desperate need to do something for him and show him her endless gratitude pulsed strongly. But she did want him as well. She couldn’t stop thinking about touching and kissing him, and that had nothing to do with the gratitude she had for him. She’d expressed herself in the wrong manner. Served her right.
She slipped off the desk. She would find a way to show him that her desire was genuine.
nineteen
CORA SHIFTED ON the seat of the carriage where she’d been for hours. Maybe the exclusive town of Borrington, where many members of thetonloved to spend the holidays, was the loveliest village in England, but there wasn’t a railway that reached it, and the country road leading to it had been built by the Romans and never improved.
No, she couldn’t have travelled to Brussels two weeks ago without writhing in unbearable agony. Next to her, David held her hand, although his attention was focused on the view of endless barley fields and gentle hills while Harry kept talking about… something. The boy never stopped talking, jumping from one subject to another without any apparent connection. She didn’t mind the chatter, but after a while, she’d stopped listening.
“Take another sip.” Ethan handed her a vial of diluted laudanum. As usual, he anticipated her needs.
She brushed his fingers while taking the vial. They stared at each other, but he was the first to break eye contact. Since that evening in the parlour, he’d been polite but rather detached. Busy with getting ready for the trip and making sure no one suspected she and David were in his house, he hadn’t spent alot of time with her, and she hadn’t had the opportunity to show him how much she wanted him.
Never mind. Once she recovered from the trip, there would be plenty of occasions. The potion had an immediate effect on her pain, and she eased back on the seat, her eyelids growing heavy. Harry’s voice sounded distant. It lulled her to sleep.
“Cora.” Ethan’s voice jolted her.
She blinked her eyes open to find his emerald gaze on her. She was leaning against him with her head on his shoulder. “I dozed off.”
“Good. You were pale and needed the rest. We’re at the inn.” He helped her out of the carriage. “David and Harry are already inside with Mrs. Parker. Please wear your scarf and hat.”
Oh right, her disguise. She pulled her scarf up and her hat down to cover her face as much as possible. A precaution Mr. Purnell had suggested. Even David had hided his hair under a large hat. She doubted anyone in this remote part of the country would recognise her.
Cora’s legs trembled when she climbed down the short steps, but Ethan’s strong hands comforted and sustained her as always. Even without a sore back and shoulder, she would be exhausted after hours of travelling on a rough road. Ethan had insisted on not travelling for longer than a couple of hours. They’d stopped constantly to give her time to rest. Despite that, she couldn’t say she was fond of the trip so far.
“How are you?” Ethan held her, his brow furrowed in concern. He’d asked her that question every ten minutes, and she couldn’t help but love his attention.
“Tired, but otherwise well.”
“We’ll sleep here for tonight.”
“We are two hours away from Borrington,” she said. “I don’t mind travelling.”
“It’s dusk. We would arrive in Borrington when it’s dark. The road is rough in broad daylight. It must be a nightmare at night. I don’t want to take risks.” He held the door to the inn open. “And my shoulder is sore as well.”
Harry was at the counter, talking with the innkeeper, while David gazed around with wide eyes. Not that there was much to see, just the dark wainscoting and the patrons scattered around, but he stared at everything with awe.
“Are you enjoying the trip?” she asked.
“The view of the country was fantastic. So much green, and I’m looking forward to seeing the sea. I’ve never been to the sea,” he said to Ethan. “I didn’t know the world was so…” He spread his arms. “… big.”
Cora laughed. “Me either.”
Harry joined in, his cheeks flushed. “You should see Scotland. Hills everywhere, endlessly. And lakes as big as the sea with monsters.”
“Capital.” David burst with happiness.
“They aren’t real monsters,” Mrs Parker said. “And the lack of monsters is the only good thing about Scotland. Everything else is cold and wet and smells of whiskey.”
“Still, I’d love to see it,” Cora said.
“You’re going to love Borrington and its sandy beach.” Ethan kept supporting her with his arm coiled around her waist.
