It’s her sincerity that swings the pendulum of my emotions back into gratitude. No one told her to do this. She’s not performing for anyone. She can tell that I’m upset and she’s trying to be nice. That’s all. I rub the heel of my hand acrossmy sternum, attempting to ease out the tightness that has been balled up there all day. Haley’s always been nice, always kept what we talked about between us.
“Actually, I would like that—” I start.
Then Aiden shouts, for everyone nearby to hear, “Hey, Evie, what’s the pillow talk like? ‘Wow, wish your sister was still here, this would be even better—’”
One two three.I am past Haley, flying at Aiden. I throw my backpack straight at his chest, forcing him to drop his lunch tray.Four five six.I launch myself at him, shoving him to the ground. I am not a creature of carefully placed punches and kicks. I sit on his stomach, pin down his arms, and grab his face. My fingernails dig into the freckly skin of his cheeks. My other hand yanks his hair as hard as I can. I get right up on him. Fury boils through me, so powerful he can’t throw me off, even though he is stronger than I am.
I am tired of him. I am tired of pretending I’m not capable of great violence toward people who hurt me.
“What did you fucking say, Aiden? I didn’t hear you. Say it again!”
“Get off!”
Blood blooms around my fingertips. I push his head into the floor as hard as I can. “Fuckingsay it!”
Arms loop under mine and around my stomach, pulling me off. I call him a piece of shit, a coward, any horrible name I canthink of. Three of the other boys from track hold me to keep me from going after him again. We have an audience at the cafeteria doors, and teachers have run into the hallway. One of them escorts me to the front office. Another helps Aiden off the floor. He’s red-faced, bloody, tears in his eyes.
“Trying not to cry,brave boy?” I yell at him over my shoulder. “I hope those cuts scar!”
Chapter 15
“You hope those cuts scar?”Mom braces herself in the kitchen doorway, holding her forehead. I sit at the table, hands in my lap. There’s still some blood under the nails of my right hand. “Jesus Christ, Evie, whose daughter are you?”
“He was saying vile things about me and Ash and Alissa.”
“I don’t care, violence is never the answer! Evie, you assaulted him. His parents could press charges against you for what you did. The only reason you haven’t been expelled from school is because the administration knows this is a hard time.”
I run one fingernail under another, picking out bits of blood.
“They still want you at the assembly,” she says. “But the principal thinks it’s better if you don’t speak. They’re going to haveyou hold a plaque that’ll be hung in the entry hall.”
When I still don’t say anything, she pinches the bridge of her nose. “I got a message from your coach too. You’ve been skipping practice?”
I look away.
“Evie, for the love of... you havegotto talk to me.”
“No I don’t,” I say.
“Excuse me?”
“I don’t. I don’t have to talk to anyone if I don’t want to.”
“You do, even if you don’t think you do. I don’t care if it’s me, or Anna, or someone else, but you havegotto talk to someone about what you’re feeling right now.”
I roll my eyes. Everyone wants to know how I’m feeling. Wasn’t what I just did clear enough?
“Don’t roll your eyes at me,” she says. “I’m trying to help you.”
“I don’t need help.”
“You’re skipping practice. Your grades are terrible. You’re getting into fights at school. There is a very obvious root cause here, and if you don’t address it, things will only get worse.”
I push my chair away from the table and stand. “The only thing that makes it worse is everyone wanting to talk about it. If we all stopped talking about it, everything would be fine.”
“Oh, Evie...” She growls, closing her eyes and clenching her fists. I take the opportunity to try to escape the kitchen. As I pass her, she opens her eyes. “I don’t want you playing that game tonight!”
I stop in the hallway and look at her. She’s serious.
