“Move in with you?”
“Of course. I love you. Besides, you're not going to live in Green Pines forever.”
While the baby grows up without a father.“And what would I do?”
“Whatever you want! Pat’s going to retire soon—he’s been grooming you for his job all summer. You’d be great at that job.”
I nodded.You have to really look out for the eight-weekers.
“See? It’ll be just fine.”
“And what will Leyla do? Raise your baby all by herself?”
“She’ll be fine. I mean, I’m sure it won’t be easy, but this isherchoice, right?”
We don’t get to choose who our parents are. But they get to choose us into existence.I closed my eyes at the unfairness of it all. “The baby deserves better than that, don’t you think?”
“What do you mean?”
I gulped. “I mean, you’re better than that.”
He scowled, out of words.
“You know how important it is for a baby to have a father, don’t you?”
“Yes, but—”
“No. No buts. Every child deserves a mom and dad who will love it and try their best to take care of it and raise it.”
“I agree, but this is a decisionshe’smaking! She didn’t evenaskme for my opinion!”
“Because you would have told her to end the pregnancy. And who knows? Maybe she loves the baby already! It’s growing insideherbody,” I pointed out.
“ButIdon’t love the baby! I only loveyou! I’m sorry, Taylor, but I’m not trying to have this be my problem!”
If this child ends up fatherless, it will be my fault.
The revelation nearly knocked me sideways.
I took another deep breath, trying to calm my racing mind. Blurry answers spun around inside my head, making me dizzy. “I love you, too,” I said.
“Then that’s it. It’s settled,” Matt reached for my hand.
I stopped arguing, knowing Matt wasn’t in a clear enough head space to hear what I was saying. And Leyla wasn’t giving birth tomorrow, so it wasn’t a fight we needed to finish at that exact moment. I tried to push everything out of my mind as he leaned in and kissedme, wishing I didn’t love him so much, wishing I could walk away as easily as some fathers walk away from their mistakes. Matt stood up and led me to the bedroom. I didn’t fight how much I wanted to feel him inside me, to push away the future and the fact that hewasbetter than this, that I knew it and that he would figure it out soon enough. So, I let him take me, first by the hand, then by the hips. I let him take my breath away, even if only for the moment, branding my body with his devotion in a way that no man ever would again.
I knew it, even in that moment, feeling my soulmate slip through my fingers like water. Nobody could ever replace Matt Thompson in my heart.
He clung to me, moving in the exact way my body needed him to, until I cried out and we erupted into one another, a tidal wave of desire and fear and sorrow and ultimately, love.
~
The next day, the school buses arrived at 9:00 a.m., right on time. Luggage was piled up in front of the rec hall in messy stacks. Campers hugged each other and their counselors, exchanging e-mail addresses and phone numbers in an earnest attempt to keep the Sound Hollow magic alive into September. The air was electric with anxiety, and as sad as the kids were to leave, they were equally excited to go home and see their parents.
I hated watching them all go. Lots of campers made it a point to say goodbye to me, sharing hugs and selfies. Mackenzie wrote me a letter, which she told me not to open until I was alone later. I promised to keep in touch with her, a promise I knew I would keep, no matter what. Then, I stood among Pat and the counselors and waved the buses goodbye, our arms in the air until they turned the corner onto the main road and out of sight.
The staff indulged in a moment of conflicting, palpable emotions, ranging from tears and hugs to clapping and cheering. We did it! The summer was a success, and now it was really coming to an end.
I had to hold it together, tempting as it was to succumb to the lump in my throat. Matt wasn’t around; he spent the morning closing the visitors’ washhouse, which was probably for the best because one look at him and I would have lost it. Instead, I consulted my clipboard and doled out cleanup assignments to my staff. We had one full day to clean followed by the end-of-summer party that night.
