The butterflies in my stomach suddenly gone, I stood in front of the microphone and began the rest of the ceremony. I thanked each cabin, citing some of their funniest or most touching moments of the summer, as the counselors were called up to light the candles in the S-H. I called up four eight-weekers, including Mackenzie Brooks, to read thoughts or poems that they had written down to commemorate the summer. Mackenzie read an excerpt from my favorite book,TheGiving Tree, by Shel Silverstein, and thanked me for being like the tree, always willing to give just a little bit more.
After the letters in the pit were all lit, the slideshow began and its soundtrack filled the air as I lit the first candle in the crowd. I watched silently as the flame was passed from one person to the next. I couldn’t remember ever witnessing a sight so beautiful, an evening so magical. I was shrouded in love. As the light spread across the pit, I vowed to hold it in my heart and not let any cruel circumstance of the universe steal it from me. I’d spent far too many years in the darkness. The light was long overdue.
Pat closed the ceremony when all the candles had been lit. He ended with the traditional "Bless This Camp"and Taps, and then said, “We’ll see you next summer,” just like he had at every Candle Lighting service for as long as I could remember.
The campers were led out of the pit, and once they were gone, I extinguished all the candles in the ground. I told Pat I could clean up by myself, that he should feel free to go grab a snack in the Lodge, or get some rest if he needed to. He welcomed the reprieve, thanking me and shaking hands with Matt as he climbed up the hill and walked slowly out of sight.
Matt came down to help me with the cleanup. I was in the middle of plucking half-burnt candles out of the ground when he approached me.
“You did an amazing job, Roberts. It was beautiful.”
I looked up at him from the ground. He reached out his hand and helped me up. Then, he wrapped his arms around me and squeezed like he was holding on for dear life. When I pulled back, we locked eyes.
And I knew.
Chapter thirty
Present
Fuck.
I knew this day would come, and in my mind, I’d run through a million ways it could have gone down. Unfortunately, finding Leyla on the couch flipping through my scrapbooks, judging my most precious memories with a bowl of cereal in her lap wasnoton my list of possibilities.Especiallysince Matt and Brett just saw her on Facetime—from California—the night before.
The thing is, we never discussed this part.
“Hi Bretty Bear.” Leyla smiles, setting the bowl down on the coffee table, pushing the book off her lap carelessly and opening her arms to give her little girl a hug. The grace card slides out from the pages and falls to the floor. Brett runs to Leyla, illuminated by the wonderful surprise of seeing her mother in the flesh. As she holds her tightly, Leyla’s eyes offer me a blank stare over Brett’s shoulder. My stomach clenches, twisting like a pretzel.
“You must be Taylor,” Leyla says, straightening herself and holding out a hand to shake. Cold and clammy, I accept.
“And you must be Leyla,” I echo.
“I understand you’ve spent a lot of time with my girl, here,” she continues, a lopsided smile plastered on her Sephora-perfect face.
“Yes, Mommy! Taylor’s the best. She took me to camp!” Brett chimes in.
Leyla nods. “How wonderful,” she replies, in a tone dripping with falsehood that any adult would be able to pick up on. Luckily, our target audience at the moment is a single 6-year-old child, so nobody needs to bring their finest acting chops to the table.
“She’s a great kid,” I say.
“I know,” Leyla replies, giving Brett a side squeeze.
“Where’s Matt?” I ask, trying to ignore the tremor in my voice.
“Oh, he stepped out for a bit,” Leyla answers flippantly. “Hey, Bretty Bear,” she continues. “I got you a surprise. It’s in your room. Why don’t you go check it out?”
“Really?” Brett squeals. “Yay!” She runs off to her bedroom in search of whatever awaits her there.
Where is Matt?
With Brett out of sight, Leyla looks at me and her fake smile drops. “It’s over, Taylor.”
“What is?”
“All of it. I’m home now, and I told Matt everything.”
Chapter thirty-one
7 Years Ago
