Her smile stays. “I’m happy to hear that. I told Lisa you had the eye of an expert when I first met you at that museum in LA. After the work you’ve done already, it appears that we hired you in at the wrong level.”
I’m not sure how to take that. “What does that mean?”
“It means we’d like to offer you an assistant director position instead. You’ve sailed through your training as easily as we expected, and though you said your background is unconventional, there is so much of this career that cannot be taught, and you have it.”
Lisa jumps in excitedly. “We’d love to have you move up into the new position immediately. If you are okay with that.” She sets a paper on the desk in front of me, which lists the new position, a summary of responsibilities, and a salary increase that bumps me over six figures.
I’m sorry, did I just get a promotion?Finally, I sit. “Oh. Wow. That’s . . .”
“It’s not to stress you out at all. The work is about the same, except you would have a more hands-on role with clients and the spaces, assisting one of our directors on-site. The position fills in the space between the admin team and directors, which should make delivery more seamless,” Jace explains. “I would have you work with me, but I’ll be working out of our newest location for a while.”
“Which location? LA?” I ask.
“The LA location belongs to our sister company. We’ve acquired our own houses in Chicago and Brooklyn, with most of our work this season happening in the latter.”
What?How have I not heard that the New York location is in Brooklyn, not Manhattan or somewhere in New York State? Anopportunity waits in the place I’ve wanted to be this whole time.
“That’s very far from here, and we know you just moved,” Lisa explains as if to spare my feelings for not getting to work with Jace. That’s not the part I’m focusing on.
There are as many thoughts in my head as there are words on the contract in front of me. This is my dream job—better than what I could have dreamt up, actually—and my heart is on the other side of the country.
“Would it be possible for me to do this role in the Brooklyn office?”
Jace and Lisa exchange a glance and a shrug. “Is moving something you would be interested in?” Lisa asks. “We would hate to lose you, but yes. Right?”
“It would be great to have you there with me during setup,” Jace says.
I’d be making the same choice as before, leaving my home, my friends, my security, to be on the other coast with a man. But like Liem has insisted for months, it’s different this time. I’m not moving because I have no other options. I’m moving because I have created opportunities for myself.
This is my fresh start, my chance to follow my dreams rather than following in the footsteps of someone else. This is my happiness to chase.
My heart beats too quickly in my chest. I place a hand over it, swallow back my fear, and say what my heart is telling me.
“Yes.”
Forty-one
Liem
Babies are strange. Having one unexpectedly dropped into your lap is something else altogether.
Looking at Vaughn, seeing so much of me in him, I feel a level of dedication I’ve never felt before. A sense of duty to protect him and give him the life he deserves. It’s what my mom always wanted for me, and the type of love my grandma told me about, but I can’t look at him and not feel like my choice was stolen. I feel the same way when I look at Natalie.
She’s doing better. With more time to get back into her old routine and to see a therapist, she has warmed back into her old self. She’s alert, quick-witted, and was desperate to get back to work. While her first day back wasn’t meant to be until next Monday, we all agreed it would be good for her to do anything that brings her joy.
Natalie’s mom cleans the dishes in the kitchen while I change Vaughn’s diaper for what feels like the fortieth time today. All he does is eat, poop, cry, and laugh at my misfortune, and it’s cute as hell. It took me a moment to connect with someone who’s a half step more sentient than a doll, and even longer to feel like he was part of me. My dedication to him was never in question, but looking at him and seeing a stranger filled me with guilt. Not as much guilt as quietly wishing I hadn’t done what it took to make him in the first place, but guilt nonetheless.
I pick him up from the bed, balancing him in my hands. “Thank you for not peeing on me this time,” I say.
He coos. Some sort of insult, I’m sure. He has beef with me, like he knows I blocked his mom on everything and wasn’t here for thefirst few weeks of his life. Maybe that’s all in my head.
Time has flown by, as quickly and violently as a storm. Learning how to care for a newborn while barely sleeping makes the days bleed together. Five days passed before Sai called me asking when I was coming back from overseas, and I realized I had never updated him. I hadn’t picked up the phone at all other than to call Bri, but I then got sucked into the tornado. I stretched the truth, saying I was still taking care of family, keeping me on paid family and medical leave. Asking for paternity leave would have sent him over the edge.
Sleeping in Natalie’s guest room was too awkward. We are never getting back together. The line we’ve drawn isn’t in sand but dried concrete, molded then cast in bronze. Ironically, I finally returned the ring I bought for her and found a travel rental a few blocks away. I can’t will myself to commit to a lease yet.
The front door closes. Natalie must be back from work. “Let’s go see the person youdon’thate, yeah?”
I take him with me to greet her. She looks like the Natalie I used to know, tired but calm after a day of endless productivity that contributed to the betterment of society.
