“Listen—” she starts, but she’s interrupted again.
“I have a theory,” Elena says to Joey, completely ignoring Sophie. “What if River saw those pictures? What if he realized what was going on between Quinn and Sophie and he didn’t like it? What if he and Quinn had a fight…”
“What, so he pushed her because he was jealous of Sophie?” asks Joey. Sophie can’t believe this. They are speaking about her like she’s not here, totally oblivious to her rising fury.
Elena shrugs. “The pictures could have triggered him—”
Sophie jumps to her feet, and her chair falls backward from the sudden movement. “Oh my god, stop. Both of you.”
They blink at her, silently.
She’s seething now, and it makes her feel like she’s outside her own body. A fleeting thought about nervous system regulation floats through her mind. She can feel her cortisol spiking, adrenaline bouncing through every fingertip. But she doesn’t back down. “Did you even think to askmewhat I think? No. Of course you didn’t. And because you didn’t ask, you’ll never know how fucking terrible it was to have my picture taken like that. You think I wanted to have naked pictures of me on anyone’s phone? You think I wanted it? Well, that’s a big fuck-you-very-much.” She doesn’t pick up her chair. She just yanks her bag free and steps over it. The thought of those pictures being seen by anyone when she thought they were destroyed is making her feel unhinged.
“Soph, please calm down,” says Joey, like she’s placating a horse. “Let’s talk.”
But she rounds on Joey. “You know, back then, I sometimes used to wonder if any of you really cared about me or if I was always just the butt of the joke. Ultimately I decided that, no, those thoughts were just my own insecurities. But now, you guys dredge this up, and it fuckinghurtsthat you haven’t even asked me anything about it. You just informed me what your theories about my life are. So no, I don’t wantto calm down. And I don’t want to talk about it.” She’s breathing heavily, too heavily. She needs to stop, but she can’t. It’s all coming up now, and, honestly, it’s a relief to say some of this out loud. “Maybe the three of us have been apart for too long,” she says. “Other than the memory of our dead friend, what else do we have? Nothing. We’re strangers.”
“That’s not true,” says Joey.
“Oh please, Joey. You haven’t done a single thing since Quinn died. You refuse to even try to be happy. Why do you think that is?”
Joey looks hurt, and Sophie wants to cry, but maybe just this once, she is done trying to pretend they’re still friends when their friendship shattered a decade and a half ago. She is tired of trying to piece together this irreparable thing.
“Whoa,” says Elena with a laugh that turns Sophie’s blood up to a boil.
Sophie turns to her, spite moving through her. “Oh Elena, I know not giving a shit is your thing, but you take it too far. Do you even know where your kid is right now? Do you even care?” Sophie reels back slightly, surprised by herself.
Elena’s eyes widen with something—disbelief. It was an awful thing to say, but for once, Sophie doesn’t apologize. Instead, she inhales a single, shuddering breath before pushing her way toward the exit.
Outside, there’s still a sliver of daylight, but everything is blurred by tears. She clatters into someone who steadies themself with a grip on her arm. Startled, Sophie wrenches away.
“Everything alright?” It’s Marissa Berg. Sophie has the primal urge to get in her face.Don’t fucking touch me.But she drops to her knees to scoop up her phone and old tissues and baby binkies that have spilled all over the ground. The journal has escaped too, and she slips it back inside.
She pushes herself to her feet, ignoring whatever Marissa is saying to her, and wipes at her face. She feels the journal practically throbbingfrom inside her bag. She was just beginning to wonder if there was a reason she found it. Like she was meant to find it, like it was a clue. But now Sophie thinks of Quinn in her room that day, assuring her she was going to take care of the photos. Did Sophie misread their closeness all those years ago? Did any of them, even Quinn, ever have her best interest at heart?
She honestly has no idea.
“Our magic is benign. Benevolent when necessary. Never malevolent.”
–Rule #4,The Book of Aspens
38Quinn
May 2011
Ten days before the fall
My lie to Sophie was for her own good.
Immediately after leaving her house, I went to the spell circle alone and summoned the photos from Tanner’s phone. I didn’t want her to know I was doing magic alone—I’ve been doing it, or trying to do it, for weeks. Now, the pictures live on my phone, which Elena saw and hopefully will keep to herself. I should have deleted them, but I decided, that day, that I needed to keep them. Maybe as collateral or something because Tanner needs to be stopped. At first, I thought I could unlock the book to find a spell to change Tanner for the better, but no luck yet. I did, however, think of another way I could use magic to stop him in the meantime.
It’s night and there’s a drizzle. I pull my sleeves down over my hands because I don’t like how it feels on my skin. The streetlight blinks off and on again as I pass under it. I make the right onto Sixth. Then a left on Pine.
He comes to the door within a few seconds of my knock and looks me up and down. “What do you want?”
“Can I come in?”
He looks behind him. There’s some chatter from the kitchen, the sound of the dishwasher being loaded, maybe. He has a younger brother, and I wonder if he maybe shouldn’t witness what I’m about to do, but then I think,Whatever. I don’t care if his brother knows what kind of person he is. Maybe hearing this will prevent him from becoming like Tanner.
