“I know you have a rocky relationship with your brother,” he says. “And I get it. No one understands complicated families more than me. But I don’t want to be a wedge between you two, and I won’t promise to never meddle in your relationship if I can help make things better. Even a little bit. Every solution to a problem has to start somewhere.”
“Maybe.” I sigh. “So, last night was unexpected. And also…” I trail off the way he did, waiting for him to fill in the blank next.
“Everything,” he says.
There’s that word again.
“It was everything, Leticia.”
“Do you really mean that?” I let out a laugh, but it’s sad too. “Because I want you to know I’m not holding you to anything you said or anything we did last night. It would be wrong, like I’m taking advantage of you or something.”
“You think you took advantage of me?” The smirk he’s struggling to hide wobbles when I shove his arm. “Because I can assure you right now, I was of sound mind and body for every minute of—”
“Okay, I get it.” I cut him off before my face has the chance to turn tomato red. “I just mean I’m not holding you to anything you said about me, or what this means for us. Before things heated up between us, you were having trouble waking up and answering questions—”
“One question,” he says. “And I got it right at the end, didn’t I?”
“See, you asking me if you got the question right after the fact isn’t exactly a vote of confidence on your cognitive function.”
“It wasn’t a serious question, Leti. I know I got it right.”
“In that case, what was the question?” His brows furrow, and my worry only grows with his silence. “I’ll give you a hint: It was one of two questions I repeatedly asked.”
“So, I can’t remember if it was the name question or the date question. Big deal.” He shrugs. “It’s not because I was out of it; it’s because I was exhausted.”
But I can’t entirely believe that. If there’s even a small part of last night he can’t remember, then how can I possibly trust that he meant anything he said?
“I’m sure you believe that, but I’m not taking any chances.” I shake my head. “Besides, I know there’s someone else. If there’s anything you can count on Andrew for, it’s telling other people’s business.” He opens his mouth, brows furrowing, but I cut him off. “You don’t have to tell me about them. You didn’t tell me you were into someone else for a reason, and I’m trying not to be hurt about that, but who am I to talk? I’m dating Nathaniel and messaging a handful of people on and off.”
“You’re still dating Nathaniel?” he asks, that earlier grin falling to a concerned frown.
“I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, Julian.” My hands fall back to my sides after he loosens his grip on them. “Because I don’t know whatwe’redoing. All these physical lines started blurring between us, and it’s messing with my head. I know I’m the one who initiated the kiss, both of them, but—”
“I also kissed you back,” he reminds me. “Both times—”
“I didn’t know there was someone else,” I blurt. “I complicated everything when I asked you to kiss me, didn’t I?”
“No,” he says, but his conviction is hard to believe when my thoughts are still reeling. “No, Leti, you didn’t. Can we back up for a second?”
“Okay.” Fuck, maybe we should’ve waited a few days for him to recover before having this talk. “Are you feeling okay?”
“My head is fine, Leti.” He waves off my concern. “And you’re not the one who complicated things between us.” I don’t know what he means by that, but he doesn’t bother clarifying either. “I didn’t mean to mess with your head, Leti. That was the last intention I ever had.”
“I’m not accusing you of anything, Julian,” I say. “I just…I’m trying to make sense of how we got here, and I can’t. Even if you weren’t into someone else before me, I’m not so sure we’d work anyway.”
“What? Why not?” When I give him a look, the divot between his brows grows more prominent. “Because ofAndrew?”
“You were best friends before I came along and the second he found out about us, it blew up in our faces.”
He’s about to argue, but I cut him off.
“Don’t you see what a mess this is? That’s what a relationship with me would be like. You don’t want that. Trust me.”
“Don’t tell me what I want, Leticia,” he says. “I’m the only one who gets to decide that.”
“Fine. What do you want, then?”
It’s like I’m staring down the barrel of a gun, meeting the intensity of Julian’s gaze with my own. This staring contest we’re having? It’s a showdown. And I’ll be damned if I break first.
