“What about you?” I ask suddenly, forcing my eyes away from Julian as his head comes back into view. “What was your last relationship like?”
“Ugh,” Erica groans. “I’ll take the cake on this one for sure. It wasbad.”
“Really?” I lean forward. “What happened?”
“Don’t even get me started.” She rolls her eyes. “I mean, he had literally no dating or sexual experience. Like, I’m pretty sure I was his first kiss. And he was twenty-five! Who the hell makes it to twenty-five without learning how to kiss properly?”
I cringe as soon as the words are out of her mouth.
The last person I kissed was Steven, and that was four years ago. Can you forget how to kiss if you don’t do it for long enough? It’s not as if I feel like I’m missing out on anything. From what I can remember of it, kissing was nice but nothing to lose my mind over.
“But if you liked him enough, why does that matter?” I swallow past the dry lump in my throat, then take a sip of water when that doesn’t help. “I mean, is it really that big of a deal?”
“I didn’t think it was at first,” she says. “It wasn’t until I realized I was having to teach him how to be in a relationship that it became frustrating. I felt more like his mom half the time. I hated having to nag at him to communicate with me for the simplest things. Anddon’t even get me started on the first time we had sex.” Her voice lowers. “When I say I was teaching him everything, I meaneverything. I can’t do it anymore. It’s too exhausting.”
“Right.” I can’t look at her, not when this strange, nervous energy has filled my body the longer she explains her frustration. I’m guessing it’d be a deal-breaker for her to know on top of not remembering how to kiss “properly,” I’m also the biggest virgin alive.
“If I’ve learned anything, it’s that I need to be with someone who knows how to be in a relationship,” she continues, oblivious to my inner late-bloomer turmoil.
“This…might not work out the way you want it to, then,” I say, because I at least owe her the truth. We’re both wasting our time here, and yet somehow, I feel like I’m wasting hers more.
She looks at me quizzically before the expression freezes on her face. Then something like pity crosses her features. Her eyes soften as her mouth forms a pitying smile. “Oh, honey.”
I hate the way she says it. Half realization, half patronizing.
I shrink in my seat, skin heating from equal parts anger and shame. I fight the urge to say I have been kissed, that I’ve made it all the way to second base, in fact, but it wouldn’t do either of us any good. Despite yearning for it, I have no idea what it’s like to be in a real relationship. I can’t guarantee she won’t have to teach me on some level how to be with a partner like that. Besides, my second-base experience only lasted the two seconds it took to remove Steven’s hand from my chest.
Strike two.
My third date better be fan-fucking-tastic.
“You’re right. This probably isn’t going to work out.” She flashes that pitying smile again. “I think we’re looking for two different things. But it was so nice to meet you.”
She stops me when I reach for my purse, making a show of placingher card on the bill. Maybe the gesture was meant to make me feel better, but it has the opposite effect. Even worse is when the waiter returns with her card and she stands up to leave. At the next table over, Julian’s eyes are trained down determinedly on his empty plate. A new burst of shame burns my chest. He must think I’m beyond pathetic too. If my brother were here, he’d roast me to hell and back. I’m expecting the same from Julian, but he surprises me instead.
“She’s an asshole,” he says right as Erica makes it to the door. Her back stiffens, but she doesn’t turn her head as she opens the door and disappears behind it. “Better to know now than to let her waste any more of your time.”
My eyes begin to sting. I don’t dare let myself look at him, even when he leaves his table and seats himself in the chair Erica vacated. He snaps open his to-go container and pushes it toward me. “Breadstick?”
For a moment, all I can do is stare at the box he’s placed in front of me. He’s being…nice. This isn’t what I expected from him at all. With nothing left to lose, I reach for a breadstick, reveling in the crunch against my teeth. I’m usually not a fan of crunchy breadsticks, but these are crispy, buttery amazingness. Once the initial sting of tears subsides, I allow myself to look at him. There’s nothing pitying in Julian’s expression, except maybe for the concern lining his furrowed brows. He doesn’t say a word, just lets me process my feelings in silence.
“I’ve kissed people before,” I tell him, though I’m not sure why it’s important to me that he knows that. Maybe I’m still feeling defensive, waiting for him to make fun of me the way Andrew would have. “Or, one person at least. For the record. It’s…been a while.”
“Like I said, she’s an asshole,” he says. “There have been statistics done on our generation. We’re dating less, and not nearly as sexually active as our predecessors. The numbers don’t lie.” He raises an indexfinger for emphasis. “Besides, I was a late bloomer. I’m sure I felt that arrow as sharply as you did.”
“Really?” I ask him. “How old were you when you had your first kiss?”
“Twenty-two,” he says. “You?”
“Twenty-one.” I grin with my teeth. “Ha.”
“So petty.” He shakes his head fondly. “Feel better now?”
“Marginally.” I bite into another breadstick. I do feel better, actually. “I’ve been on many a bad date in the past. Who am I telling? You know twice over.” He places a hand on his chest, faux-wounded. “But as many bad dates as I’ve been on, none have ever left me feeling…small. I sure know how to pick ’em, don’t I?”
“It’s not your fault. Dating is harder than ever these days.” When I push my half-eaten plate toward him, he folds his hands in prayer and bows his head slightly before popping a zucchini fry into his mouth. “That’s why you have to suss them out early. Especially if you’re using dating apps.” When all I do is stare at him, he continues. “Ask them about the stuff that matters to you before meeting in person. Better yet, ask them their most controversial opinion. Trick them into waving their red flags early on.”
“Why are you telling me all this?”
