She nodded to the kerb, where Satoshi’s car had just pulled up, the timing as perfect as if it had been scripted. ‘That man,’ she said, ‘is not going anywhere. Hi!’
‘Hi.’ Satoshi closed his car door.
I couldn’t help but watch as he took the half-case of wine out of the boot. He was in the more dressed-down version of the work ensemble I’d become accustomed to on our Thursdays together: tailored trousers paired with a white T-shirt, a tantalising triangle of smooth skin revealed by the V-neck. His glasses were forest green today, and his bleached hair was tousled less artfully than normal, like someone had run their fingers through it.
My heart started beating faster, a memory of being the someone to run their fingers through it rising unbidden to the surface of my mind.You can pull it harder, if you want, he’d whispered, as his lips traced a line down my throat, and—
‘Come in,’ Sadie said, opening the front door, making me realise that I’d just been standing there, staring. ‘The boys will be happy to see you.’
I trailed after them, awkwardly hovering as Satoshi shook hands with first Jonah and then Elias, feeling like a ghost in my own house, unable to speak. ‘Have a drink with us,’ Jonah said, tapping his credit card against the portable reader Satoshi had brought. ‘You can convince old mate here—’ he elbowed Elias ‘—that Tasmanian wine is just as good as what he gets in Europe.’
Satoshi’s gaze slid sideways to me. ‘You don’t need me to pitch you on Bibliophile when you’ve got Fiona. She can probably give you better tasting notes than I can.’
I wanted to shriek. How was he always so fuckingwonderful?
‘We insist.’ Jonah gestured to Satoshi’s outfit. ‘Anyway, it’s your night off, right?’
‘Fiona,’ Sadie interjected, ‘how about you and Satoshi go and put the wine in the kitchen and find him a wineglass?’
I should have been grateful to her for forcing me into proximity with him, making me have the conversation I knew I had to have, but in that moment, I wanted to kill her.
‘Sure,’ I said instead. ‘Um – this way.’
There was a silvery glow streaming into the kitchen from outside, so I didn’t turn on the light. Better not to let myself really see him, or I’d never be able to stick to my resolve. ‘Just put those on the table,’ I said, going up on tiptoes to get him down a glass. ‘Do you want to pick what we open next? We’ve been drinking riesling, so—’
‘Fiona,’ he said softly.
I couldn’t bring myself to turn to face him. ‘I’m sorry.’
There was a long, drawn-out pause.
‘What for?’ he asked.
‘All of it,’ I replied. ‘Michelle. Running away. Asking you to come to the barbecue in the first place. For being such a terrible study buddy – fuck, you should be studying right now, shouldn’t you? I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, every time I ask you come running and I shouldn’t ask, it’s not fair, and—’
‘Mummy?’
If there was one word that could cut right through one of my spirals, it was that. ‘Georgie-girl? What’s wrong?’
‘I had a bad dream.’ Georgia sniffed, chin quivering, her elephant cuddled to her chest. ‘I dreamed that I woke up and everyone was gone and I was all by myself.’
‘Oh, honeybun.’ I knelt down so I could put my arms around her. ‘I’m right here, okay? I’ve got you.’
She sniffed again, nodding against my throat. ‘Hi, Satoshi.’
‘Hi, Miss Georgia,’ he replied. ‘That’s a really elegant elephant.’
‘Thank you. Mummy helped me make her a fancy ballgown.’ Georgia pulled out of my embrace. ‘What are you doing here?’
He hesitated.
‘He brought some wine for the grown-ups,’ I said. ‘Come on. Let’s get you back to bed.’
‘Can I give Satoshi a hug first?’
It was my turn to hesitate. ‘Only if he says it’s okay. It’s always best to ask first, remember?’
‘You know what?’ Satoshi crouched down. ‘I’d love a hug.’
