‘And maybe you could read my draft? Not in an I-like-you-this-is-great way – in an I-know-everything-about-wine-so-let-me-stop-you-from-making-terrible-mistakes way? I know you’re incredibly busy, but—’
‘Fiona,’ I interjected, ‘of course I will.’
She beamed at me, and – god, she was beautiful. She was so, so beautiful.
‘I’ve got some books that might be helpful,’ I said. ‘Want to come browse my office bookshelves and see if you want to borrow anything?’
She hesitated.
I held my hands up. ‘No funny business. I swear.’
She blushed again, almost to the roots of her hair this time, but nodded.
Given the rain, there was little chance any customers would come in, but I locked the front door anyway, told Lex – so absorbed in their book they barely acknowledged it – that I was taking their mum out the back for a sec, then led Fiona to my office, leaving the door open as a representation of my promise not to crush her to me and kiss her until her knees gave way. ‘These ones are wine writing,’ I told her, tracing my finger across half a shelf’s worth of alphabetically organised books. ‘They’ll probably be the most useful, so you can get a feel for some different approaches. But maybe one or two of these—’ I pulled out some of my more encyclopaedic reference guides ‘—might be handy too?’
‘Don’t you need them? For your studies?’
I paused for half a second too long, and she jabbed me in the shoulder. ‘Youdo.’
‘I’ll be fine.’
‘No,’ she said firmly. ‘I don’t want to be a charity case.’
‘All right,’ I said, a wave of inspiration hitting me. ‘How about being my study buddy, then?’
Fiona blinked. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Jonah and Sadie take the kids on Thursday nights, right?’
‘They’re not this week – it’s Jonah’s birthday dinner – but usually, yes.’
‘You need some formal wine knowledge,’ I said. ‘I’ve got a lot of it – and a lot more I need to get my head around. How about you spend Thursdays here, helping me study? You’ll be givingme a hand and picking up some knowledge for yourself at the same time.’
‘Don’t you work on Thursdays?’
‘I’ll see if Birdie can pick up an extra shift – which would also help me out. Isamu and my mother have both been telling me I’m working too much. This might get them off my back.’
Fiona twined her fingers together, sucking her bottom lip between her teeth and looking down at the ground.
‘If you’re worried about me pushing you into something you’re not ready for,’ I said gently, ‘you don’t need to be. I promise.’
‘I’m not worried about you, Satoshi!’
Her eyes, when she looked at me, were full of fire. ‘I’m worried aboutme,’ she said. ‘I know myself. If I spend too much time alone with you, I’m going to get carried away again and I’ll end up climbing you like a tree.’
My heart skipped about fourteen beats before it started hammering.
‘Because, god, I want to,’ she said. ‘So badly. It scares me how badly I want to. But I just –can’t.’
‘Will you…’ I paused. I had to tread carefully here, or I might lose even the little bit of her I got to keep. ‘Will you tell me why not?’
Fiona sniffed, swallowed, sniffed again. ‘I don’t think you realise how important you are to me,’ she said at last. ‘Everything in my life has changed this past year. And it’s not just Matt. My brothers showing up for me the way they have has been incredible – of course it’s been incredible – but it’s the opposite of what I expected them to do, and… Satoshi, you might be the only person who’s stayed the same.’
She wiped a shaking hand over her face. ‘You’re one of the only stable things in my life. The kids’ lives too, for that matter – especially Lex. And Ineedthat. If I ruin things – if I lose you—’
‘Hey, hey, hey.’ I gave in and let myself reach out to her, pulling her to me in a tight hug. ‘No one’s losing anyone, all right? I’m not going anywhere.’
Her breath was ragged against my throat. ‘You say that now, but—’
