‘It was an accident.’ Matt’s voice was long-suffering on the other end of the phone. ‘You think this is how I wanted to see them again?Five minutes at the farmers’ market, with your brother glaring daggers at me?’
‘You shouldn’t have been there at all.’
I had to hiss instead of doing what I really wanted, which was shout. Lex was reading in their room, the girls were playing in the backyard, and the only worse thing than this happening was them picking up how upset I was about it.
‘You don’t own the farmers’ market, Fiona.’
‘You know how small Hobart is! You could have gone back to Melbourne the second mediation was over. But no, you had to stay. You had to—’
‘This might be the last time Laura will get to travel before the babies are born. Can you blame me for wanting to make a weekend of it?’
‘Don’t fucking talk to me about Laura.’
He exhaled. ‘Sorry. That wasn’t fair.’
Instinctively, I wanted to soften. Matt rarely admitted to being wrong. I had Pavlovian conditioning telling me to reward his concessions, if I ever wanted him to make them again.
I clenched my fist instead. ‘You introduced her to them,’ I snarled. ‘You introduced her to themwithout telling me first.’
‘It wasn’t like I intended to! But she was standing right next to me. And I just said that she was my friend, nothing else.’
He was telling the truth – Jonah had given me a full rundown – but it didn’t quell the fury in my belly. ‘I’m sure that won’t be confusing for them at all in the long term. Well done, Matt, really.’
‘Can you cut me a break here?’
‘Are you joking?’
‘I know what I’ve done to you is awful.’ There was a conciliatory, almost condescending note in his voice, like he was talking to a skittish horse. ‘And I feel terrible about it. I really do.’
‘You’ve showed it so well. This whole year, when I was working myself to the bone and grovelling to my parents for money soI could keep the kids fed and clothed – I spent the whole time thinking,Wow, Matt sure does feel terrible about fucking me over.’
‘Come on, Fi. You’ve got your pound of flesh now. Your lawyers saw to that.’
‘Pound of flesh?!’
‘Bad phrasing. Sorry.’ There was a rustling sound, and I knew he was tugging at his collar the way he always did when he got stressed. ‘But put yourself in my shoes. This hasn’t been easy for me either. I’ve done my best to make things as clean and clear as possible, so we all know where we stand.’
‘If you’re waiting for me to thank you for abandoning us,’ I said tightly, ‘you’re going to be waiting a long time.’
‘I’m not asking you to. I’m just asking you to acknowledge that things are hard for me too.’
I didn’t say anything. My jaw was clenched so hard my teeth were in danger of shattering.
‘We need to talk about what things will look like moving forward,’ he said. ‘Now mediation is done, we can finalise the divorce – and I’d like to talk about seeing the kids.’
I glanced out the kitchen window to make sure Rosie and Georgia were still safely playing in the yard. If they looked back at me, they’d probably see steam coming out of my ears.
‘Seeing the girls today – getting to hug them, after all this time – made me realise just how much I’ve missed them.’ Ohfuck off,was he about to start crying? ‘And what Laura said in the meeting was right. I do want them to meet Micah and Nikki. The babies too. Think of how excited they’ll be to be big sisters.’
That ranked somewhere between ‘the threat of nuclear war’ and ‘asking my parents for money’ on the list of things I wanted to think about.
‘And I want to be able to introduce them to Laura,’ he added, ‘as their stepmother.’
The wordstepmothersent me into space. I felt like a dragon, like I might vomit up fire at any moment.
‘You don’t have to say anything right now.’ He was using the skittish horse voice again. ‘But you need to start thinking about this, Fi. Now the divorce is on the home stretch, we need to have a serious talk about the long-term.’
‘We’re not doing shit until I consult with their therapist,’ I managed to force out from between my gritted teeth. ‘You haven’t been in their lives for an entire year. They need to be prepared.’
