She shook her head.
‘Is it—’ I hesitated. ‘Is it me?’
‘No!’ Her face flooded with colour – the way she could go from pale to red in the blink of an eye was astonishing – but her voice was firm. ‘I promise, it’s not you. I’m… god, I’m so embarrassed, but I’m not crying about you.’
‘Why are you embarrassed?’
She gave me a look that wasn’t quite a glare but was definitely on its way.
‘Let’s try an easier question. Why are you crying?’
‘That answer might be even more embarrassing.’
‘Try me.’
Fiona let out a long breath. ‘Jonah and Sadie,’ she said. ‘I’m so happy for them, and I love them so much – but god, I’m so fucking jealous.’
She tipped her head back, sniffing again. ‘I thought I had that. For so long, I was such a smug married lady – but what I actually was, was stupid. And it’s soobvious. When I see the way Jonah and Sadie look at each other – Matt never looked at me like that, not once, and…’
‘Fiona, come here.’
I held out my hand to her. She hesitated for a moment, before letting me tug her into my embrace.
Something unknotted in me as I put my arms around her, hers snaking around my waist. Her forehead came to rest in the crook of my neck, and I turned my head so I could rest my cheek against her hair. I didn’t dare let my hands travel the way I wanted to, but I rubbed slow circles on her back, just above her shoulder blades.
‘You’re not stupid,’ I murmured. ‘Matt’s stupid. He’s the stupidest motherfucker on the planet. But not you. Never you.’
She made a strangled sound, one that might be her choking back a laugh or trying not to cry. ‘Thank you for saying that.’
‘I’m not just saying it.’ I drew back, putting my hands on her shoulders so I could look her in the eye. ‘It’s the truth. There’s nothing stupid about believing someone when they tell you they love you. There is, however, something very stupid about having a wonderful wife and cheating on her repeatedly.’
This sound was strangled too, but it was recognisably a laugh this time. ‘You always make me feel better, Satoshi.’ She offered me a smile – shy, but genuine, a proper Fiona smile, not a palefacsimile. ‘Thank you.’
‘My pleasure.’
‘Of course, you don’t need to go to the lengths you went to yesterday – that was asking way too much of you! – but I appreciate it so much. You always do so much for me, and you never complain, and—’
‘Hold on.’
She stopped.
‘Back up,’ I told her. ‘Say that again.’
Her cheeks were starting to colour again. ‘Which part?’
‘The part about how you asked too much of me.’
Pink blossomed into red as she looked at the floor. ‘You know what I’m talking about. I make one sexually frustrated comment too many, and then you have your hand up my skirt like – like a – like a mechanic, trying to sort me out.’
‘Mechanic?!’
‘You know what I mean.’ She made a frustrated gesture. ‘You – you’re always so kind, Satoshi, so generous, even when there’s nothing in it for you, and –oh.’
Her body collided with the wall as I backed her swiftly against it. I twined the fingers of my left hand through her right and drew it up, up, up, until it was pressed above her head.
‘You think I got nothing out of it?’ I asked.
‘I thought… I thought you might just feel sorry for me.’
