‘Lily, no.’ I shifted my grip from her wrist to her hand. ‘Jeff adored you. It was all over his face, every time he looked at you. He didn’t want anyone else.’
‘I know.’ Tears were beading in the corners of her eyes. ‘He only wanted me. He could have lived for a thousand years, and he would have been perfectly content being married to me every single one of them.’
She took a shaking breath. ‘But do you know what I thought, the night of the funeral? Just a few hours after we buried my husband, who thought I hung the moon?’
‘You were grieving. Everyone has terrible thoughts in high stress situations like that. Don’t beat yourself—’
‘Shut up.’
I shut up.
‘I was crying. You were holding me together. And I looked up at you, and I thought,Thank god it wasn’t Murray.Thank god I didn’t lose Murray.I couldn’t survive losing Murray.’
Oh.
Oh.
‘So I drew a line,’ she said. ‘A line between me and that woman, because I couldn’t be her. I couldn’t be the woman who had that thought on the day she buried that beautiful man.’
She’d drawn a line, and she’d cut me out.
And she’d become Lily Fireball.
A person everyone was supposed to hate.
‘And I tried and I tried and I tried,’ she said, the first tear falling. ‘I thought if I just drew the lines clear enough – if I came back different – I could do this. I could be here. I could help you.’
My heart was pounding. My mind was racing. The picture was finally coming into focus.
‘But I can’t help it,’ she whispered. ‘No matter how hard I try, I’m still that woman.’
It happened sharply. Suddenly. As if she were a marionette and a puppetmaster had just abruptly yanked her strings.
Lily reached up with her free hand and pulled my face to hers.
The kiss was so brief I barely had a chance to react. Her lips pressed so hard against mine I could feel her teeth behind them. Her fingers dug into my cheek, index and middle fingers pressed into the twitching muscle beside my eye.
She drew back.
For a long moment, we just looked at each other.
And she pulled her hand from my grasp and walked away.
19LilyFour years ago
‘There,’ Thuong said, adjusting the last bit of beading on the dress. ‘You look spectacular.’
I looked at myself in the mirror. I wanted to say something – anything – but the words were stuck in my throat.
‘Don’t tell me I’ve done such a good job I’ve rendered the great Lily Ong speechless,’ Thuong said, grinning at my reflection. ‘Not the hardest bitch I know, overwhelmed by one of my designs?’
I managed a weak laugh. Better she think that. Better she think I was just overwhelmed by the wedding dress she’d made for me than by… than by…
‘Here,’ Murray said, pressing a glass of water into my hand.
‘Don’t spill it,’ Thuong instructed. ‘And don’t forget to fix your lipstick after you drink, either. You know how that shit smudges.’
I nodded.
