I grunted, setting my coffee on the table and sitting. One of my knees made an ominous crunching sound as I stretched my legs out in front of me. ‘You should be in bed,’ I repeated. ‘We’ve got a long shoot today.’
‘Photo shoot date?’
I nodded, eating the other half of my muesli bar. The first group date was always a photo shoot. We partnered with a women’s magazine and sold them the pictures for an eye-watering sum.
‘Am I on the date card?’
‘I haven’t decided yet.’
‘Put me on it. And put me in a shoot with the tall one who tried to throw down with me. Girl-Dylan.’
‘Absolutely not.’
‘Why not? I set up a perfect story for you. A slam-dunk. She’s the ideal rival for me. Hero to her bones, but clearly not suited to boy-Dylan. She’ll be easy as hell to ricochet onto the next season ofWherefore Art Thou Romeo.’
I took a sip of my too-hot, too-strong coffee. ‘What do you mean, clearly not suited to boy-Dylan?’
‘Come on, Murray, you can read the vibes better than that.’ Lily tapped her fingernails against her mug. ‘They’re obviously going to end up in a “I like you so much, and we’re such good friends, but there just isn’t anything romantic here” place. There’s no spark.’
‘You saw them together for, what, thirty seconds? You’re in no position to know.’
‘I didn’t need thirty seconds. I could have told you that in three. How badly are you slipping?’
I set my coffee down a little too hard. Some splashed onto the table.
‘Don’t start with me, Lily,’ I said. ‘I’m still so fucking angry with you.’
She paused for a moment, the deliberate pause of someone who understood exactly what she was doing.
‘That’s fair,’ she said. ‘I’ve earned that anger. I don’t begrudge you it, not at all.’
‘How generous of you. Now you don’t need to get me a Christmas present.’
‘But you see how well this is working, right? You see how having a chaos agent villain makes the whole thing come alive? How dynamic it makes the story? What a strong hook Lily Fireball will be? How muchfunshe is?’
I closed my fingers tight around my coffee cup and took another sip, knuckles white.
‘This is going to be the best season premiere we’ve ever done, Murray.’
In some other universe, where life followed the logic of narrative, the coffee cup exploded in my fist, sending liquid and ceramic shards everywhere.
‘I’m right,’ she said. ‘You know I’m right.’
‘Of course I know you’re right! But do you think that makes any of this go away?’
‘Any of what?’
‘You know perfectly well what!’
She had the good grace not to say anything.
I put the coffee cup down and smacked myself in the chest, hard, over my heart. ‘Do you think it changes how terrified I am, Lily?’ I demanded. ‘How worried I am about you? How much it hurts, seeing you throw away your career? How trapped I feel, seeing you burn down your whole life right in front of me, and being forced to help you do it?’
‘Murray,’ she said, voice even, expression composed, ‘I don’t have a life to burn down anymore.’
‘Oh, great. What a comforting thing to hear you say. That really makes me feel better.’
‘I understand why you’re worried. And the fact that you care enough to be worried – that means a lot.’
